Monthly Archives: October 2012

How Long Must We Drink This Drink? Mary, Bloody Marys (Part One)

Let me tell you all a story. This is the story of a young boy who, for whatever reason, loved tomato juice. The two would sit together for hours on end, just enjoying the savory flavor of one another. The boy gave the tomato juice much needed attention, and the tomato juice gave the boy much needed vitamins.

The pair may have very well grown old together, if not for the fact that the boy eventually moved on. He stopped liking tomato juice, and the tomato juice, like so many 30-year-old ex-wives of multimillionaires, found itself used and unwanted. The tomato juice spent its time alone for the next several years, and the boy went on to pull the tomatoes off of his hamburgers like every American should.

Good readers — allow me to blow your mind. That boy was… wait for it… ME! Didn’t see that coming, did you?

Knowing that back story, you can imagine my hesitation in deciding to drink Bloody Marys this week. Though this is the undisputed king (or, more appropriately, queen) of savory cocktails, a sworn-by hangover cure, and beloved by many, I’m not a fan. To add on to that, a lot of the variations are, well, kind of disgusting unless you have the taste for it. If you like Bloody Marys, great! It’s just not my thing, much in the same way that drinking tar is not my thing.

So here I am, putting myself through drunken horror just for your amusement. I hope you appreciate it.

Also, a note on variations: there are a lot of them. This little adventure barely scratches the surface. But, on top of variations of the basic recipe, realize that there a lot of different ingredients that you can throw in to change up the drink some. Some common ingredients that I didn’t use for my recipes include black pepper, cayenne pepper, lime juice, horseradish, and a whole lot more. Feel free to add some of those ingredients or some others if so moved.

Also, if you don’t have one of the ingredients for a Bloody Mary, you can probably skip it. It’ll be a little bland, but all you really need for a Bloody Mary is vodka and tomato juice. I wouldn’t recommend that, but then again, I wouldn’t recommend a Bloody Mary to begin with, so do what you want.

Let us begin.

 

Bloody Mary
-2 oz Vodka
-4 oz Tomato Juice
-1/2 oz Lemon Juice
-2 to 3 dashes Tabasco Sauce
-2 to 3 dashes Worcestershire Sauce
-Salt
-Lemon Wedge
-Celery Stick

The Bloody Mary

Well, here it is. It’s salty, it’s juicy, and it’s kind of like drinking alcoholic soup. It’s got a good devoted following, so I guess I shouldn’t knock it too much, but I can’t help but feel like there’s other things I should be doing with my vodka.

I know I just said that all you really need for a Bloody Mary is vodka and tomato juice, but you shouldn’t do it that way. You definitely want some of the other ingredients to spice it up and make it more interesting. Drinking a Bloody Mary without that extra stuff is kind of like eating jelly without peanut butter. It’s bland and insipid, like having a party without Spice Girls music.

So, you can either build this drink in the glass and stir, or shake it and strain it. I chose the latter. Shake the first five ingredients with ice and strain the mixture into a tall ice-filled glass. Add salt to taste and stir briefly. Squeeze the lemon wedge over the drink and drop it in. Finally, garnish it with the celery stick.

Also, you make all of these drinks the same way, so I’m not going to repeat myself every time I make a new drink. Just refer back here if you get confused — I know it can be daunting.

Onward!

 

Bloody Caesar
-2 oz Vodka
-2 oz Tomato Juice
-2 oz Clam Juice
-1/2 oz Lemon Juice
-2 to 3 oz Tabasco Sauce
-2 to 3 oz Worcestershire Sauce
-Salt
-Lemon Wedge
-Celery Stick

The Bloody Caesar

Clamato juice is a combination of equal parts clam juice and tomato juice. You can buy it pre-mixed or get both ingredients separately and mix them together yourself.

However, unless you happen to have a blog about mixed drinks, I don’t know why you would do either of those things, because clamato juice is incredibly awful. I hear that this is what they use to water board terrorists now, because they decided simulating drowning with regular water wasn’t harsh enough. If Hell ever freezes over, it will be with ice made of clamato juice.

This drink is also known as a Clamdigger, but why the fuck would you care about that when there isn’t enough vodka in the world to make this monstrosity palatable?

I drank it all, by the way. I’m as committed to authenticity as the inventor of this drink was committed to committing legal atrocities.

If you really like clam juice for whatever weird reason, go ahead and try it. Otherwise, please, let’s move on.

 

Bloody Hogger
-2 oz Bakon Bacon-Flavored Vodka
-4 oz Tomato Juice
-1/2 oz Lemon Juice
-2 to 3 dashes Tabasco Sauce
-2 to 3 dashes Worcestershire Sauce
-Salt
-Lemon Wedge
-Celery Stick

The Bloody Hogger

Bacon-flavored vodka sounds like a really good idea, right? Bacon is great. Vodka is great. The two ought to compliment each other like champagne and lube. But, alas, it really is quite a rough drink on its own. Bakon can make a few good cocktails, though (try it with pineapple juice and butterscotch schnapps), so I was hopeful. However, this really isn’t one of those good cocktails, but probably because of the fact that its a Bloody Mary not because it uses Bakon.

It’s just too much. A good cocktail has subtlety. You want the flavor of your drink to have a noticeable flavor, and a few other delicate flavors and notes dancing in the background like beautiful ballerinas building a house of cards on an angel’s breast. You don’t want your cocktail to kick your tongue in the balls with a pair of spiked boots. The Bloody Mary is really strong and robust anyway, but with bacon-flavored vodka it’s just too strong. It’s like watching an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie while gnawing on raw pork.

If you legitimately like the flavor of Bakon, you’ll probably like this. If not, it’s liable to make you gag some.

 

To Be Continued…
And here, faithful readers, is where I sign off until Friday. Don’t worry, I’ll come back with more Bloody Marys soon, just you wait. And if you think it couldn’t possibly be worth a read, know this: Barbecue sauce makes a major cameo in the next three recipes.

Until next time!


Monster Mash! Halloween Drinks (Part Two)

And now I’m back! From outerspace!

It is officially Halloween weekend, which means it is officially not okay to be sober for the next 72 hours (my how things have changed since I dressed up as the red Power Ranger). So, let the ghosts and ghouls run rampant with booze, and try one of these fun Halloween-themed cocktails.

 

Bloody Sundae
-1 ½ oz Vanilla Vodka
-1 ½ oz Whipped Cream Vodka
-Strawberry Syrup
-Plastic Vampire Teeth (optional)

The Bloody Sundae

Here’s one of those candy drinks, which, I keep telling myself is appropriate because Halloween is all about candy. Yeah, some of you might scoff at whipped cream flavored vodka. But, as silly as it sounds, it’s delicious, and you’ll be missing out if you write it off. Certainly, it isn’t classy, but it sure is good, and you can find some great ideas for it.

Case and point: this silly little novelty drink. This isn’t something you’d ever want to drink on a fancy cocktail night, but it definitely is something you’d think about drinking anyway. It’s sweet, but not too sweet. It’s alcohol-y, but not too alcohol-y. It’s just good. It’s no Martini, it’s no Manhattan, but it is a nice piece of alcoholic candy, which is the best you can hope for if you go out trick-r-treating.

So, first, you’ll want to put a little bit of the strawberry syrup into a cocktail glass and thoroughly coat the glass with it by turning the glass around so that the syrup coats the inside. Discard any excess syrup (or don’t if you want it extra sweet). Then, shake the two flavored vodkas together with ice, and strain it into the glass. If you have plastic vampire teeth, they make awesome party garnishes. Otherwise, just drink up, matey. It tastes like candy and gets you wasted. Best Halloween gift ever.

 

Black Widow
-2 oz Kraken Black Spiced Rum
-1 oz Coffee Liqueur
-1 oz Anisette
-Black Licorice

The Black Widow

Black Widow just so happens to be another one of those cocktails names (like “Jack-O-Lantern”) that gets used a lot, but without any standard cocktail. And, to be honest, I based this recipe on another “Black Widow” recipe that used vanilla vodka, black sambuca, and espresso (no licorice garnish). However, only clear sambuca appears to be available in North Carolina, so I was forced to change it up. I used generic anisette instead of sambuca (but use the kind of anisette you want), and swapped out the espresso with Kahlua (not too much of a flavor change, I hope). To keep it all good and dark, I decided to replace the vodka with a dark rum (let’s face it — the Kahlua couldn’t have kept is black on its own).

Okay, so, yes — the flavor takes a backseat to color and presentation here. But it actually doesn’t taste bad at all. The anisette dominates at first, but after a while the coffee liqueur begins to make itself noticed. The rum actually takes a background role, which is surprising because I chose the strongest and richest rum I have in stock. But, coffee and anisette are too very strong flavors, so it is understandable why vodka may have been used in the recipe I based this off of. Since vodka is neutral, it allows the two other flavors to duke it out on their own turf, with the base liquor taking a background role.

That being said, the Kraken is noticeable, it’s just not a power player in this mix. So, we focus on the coffee and anise flavors, which surprisingly work quite well together — a lot like Aerosmith and Run DMC. And that’s really the joy of mixology (still hate that word): you discover incredible combinations that otherwise you would have never tried.

Also, this looks awesome as all Hell thanks to the garnish. Given, the garnish is completely unnecessary, but that doesn’t stop it from being fucking sweet — which is the basic rule of thumb that bartenders have been using for garnishing Bloody Marys (coming next week), so why not try that rule with another drink?

Though, I still must admit, I broke my own rule, and didn’t eat all of the edible garnish. Licorice isn’t my favorite candy to begin with, but the sheer amount that you need to properly garnish this cocktail is overwhelming for those who don’t like licorice. I managed to eat two strands (while drinking) before giving up. So, the garnish is definitely worth the aesthetic value, but unlike the olives in the Martini, you probably won’t finish eating this garnish unless you like licorice a lot

One sidenote, though: It’s a lot easier to enjoy anisette than it is to enjoy licorice, so don’t let drink recipes that include anisette deter you. Including this one.

So, shake the liquid ingredients with ice and strain it into a cocktail glass. Now comes the fun part: the garnish. You’ll need eight strands of black licorice to properly garnish this cocktail. Once you have eight strands, bend them, and arrange them four on each side, so that it looks like a spider is submerged in your drink. Bonus points if you can drink the whole cocktail without removing the licorice. I managed to drink about two-thirds of this drink before the licorice started falling out of the glass.

 

Pumpkin Pie Cocktail
-1 ½ oz Spiced Rum
-1 ½ oz Fulton’s Harvest Pumpkin Pie Cream Liqueur
-1-2 dashes Vanilla Extract
-Graham Cracker Crumbs

The Pumpkin Pie Cocktail

Alright, so this cocktail isn’t so much a Halloween cocktail as it is a Fall cocktail, but I have no plans to do a Thanksgiving post, so this is the only exposure this drink will get. And, even though it’s a novelty and extremely non-alcoholic at 25 proof, Fulton’s Harvest Pumpkin Pie Cream Liqueur is absolutely delicious. It’s like if eggnog and a pumpkin fucked, and had an awesome-yet-unholy baby. And not just any sex session, at that; they had dirty and deep anal sex with amazing spices for a condom (Sober edit: And apparently still managed to conceive. Good basic reproductive knowledge there, drunk Dave). So, yeah, scoff at it as a seasonal fad, but it tastes so good, and you will love it.

And even though the alcohol content of the liqueur in this is ridiculously low, this cocktail tastes fairly strong. I used Captain Morgan, which is awesome, but below proof for liquor at 70 proof (80 proof is the standard for all liquors, if you didn’t know), and yet this still tasted very alcoholic. And yet, even though it tastes liquory, it goes down really easy. It’s really a great cocktail to serve to your family during the holidays if your intention is to get drunk with your family, and maybe find out a few things you didn’t know. Two of these will get most aunts a little tipsy, I’m sure.

So, as always, shake the liquid ingredients with ice and strain it into a cocktail glass. Garnish by sprinkling the graham cracker crumbs on top. Alternatively, you can rim the cocktail glass with the crumbs before shaking the cocktail. This method will keep the crumbs crispier, but it’s also a bit more effort. Of course, the crumbs will get soggy if you sprinkle them on top, which might turn some people off. I thought it worked very well with soggy graham cracker crumbs, but that’s not everybody’s thing.

Onwards to the last drink!

 

Bleeding Heart Martini
-2 oz HIGH QUALITY Gin
-1/2 oz Dry Vermouth
-Pickled Beet
-1 splash Pickled Beet Brine (optional, if you like it dirty)

The Bleeding Heart Martini

So, I saved this one for last because I love, love, LOVE Martinis. At the end of the day, the Martini is probably my favorite cocktail. In fact, I can’t wait until the new James Bond movie comes out, not because I’m excited about Skyfall, but because I’m going to use it as an excuse to do a Martini post. And I am very excited about the Martini post.

However, the Martini just so happens to be the perfect cocktail to demonstrate how the garnish for your drink FUCKING MATTERS. A Martini with an olive tastes much different than a Martini with a lemon twist. And both of those taste WAY FUCKING DIFFERENT than a Martini with a pickled beet. So, homeboy, let me tell you— Martinis are amazing, but pickled beets ain’t no olives.

I’m probably going to repeat this when I do my Martini post, but I prefer my Martinis with two (not one, but two) olives, pimento stuffed if available (and pimento stuffed is always available at my house). I prefer a lemon twist if I’m making a vodka Martini (a lot of cocktail enthusiasts shun the vodka Martini, but it is absolutely amazing if done right), but I usually use gin. (Also, this is as good a place as any to mention why I used caps locks on the HIGH QUALITY when mentioning the gin in the ingredient list. Use middle or high-low shelf gin for every other cocktail recipe. But, for a Martini, use a good gin. You owe it to yourself, and the Martini deserves no less.)

Also, if you happen to know how you like your Martini, feel free to make it that way — dry, wet, or dirty. Stirred or shaken. However, if you’re not that acquainted with Martinis, the 4:1 ratio of gin to vermouth works very well, so go ahead and use this recipe. If you don’t like gin that much, maybe go to 3:1 or 2:1.

But, going back to my original point, a pickled beet ain’t no olive. If you prefer a lemon twist in your Martini, then this is even more different. But, if you’re like me, and you love biting into that delicious olive after drinking a Martini, then the pickled beet is semi-acceptable. That being said, it still ain’t no olive. The beet brine is similar to the olive brine at first, but it loses its charm pretty fast, and it’s ultimately no where near as satisfying as an olive at the end of the drink. In fact, it’s kind of bland. So, final verdict is not bad, but no where near as good.

Sorry for all that text, but I really like Martinis.

To make this drink, stir the liquid ingredients with ice, and strain into a cocktail glass. Of course you can shake it if you prefer, but I’m recommending the traditional stirring method. Finally, garnish with a pickled beet, preferably pierced by a cocktail spear.

And thus we reach the end of our adventure.

 

Denouement

So, what have we learned? I think we’ve learned that a lot of things are scary, but we can’t let that hold us back. We need to stand strong, and drink, even in the face of adversity.

Happy Halloween, everyone. Don’t party too hard.


Monster Mash! Halloween Drinks (Part One)

Hello, all you terrifying readers and drinkers out there. It’s late October, and that means that Six Drinks Too Many, along with every other blog in cyberspace, is doing a Halloween theme. Huzzah!

I’m starting to see Santa in stores, which means I have a limited amounted of time to do this celebratory theme. You might be tired of seeing pumpkin-flavored bisque and various monsters on candy packages, but once elves are on those packages for the next five months, you’ll be missing the reign of a good old-fashioned pagan holiday.

So let’s have a Halloween hurrah! And what is a hurrah without copious amounts of booze? Horror movies are always better with some level of inebriation, anyway.

Here I offer you eight Halloween-themed drinks. I have four for you today, and four for you on Friday. Some are super sweet and taste like candy (appropriate for the season, I suppose), and others are a bit more classy and potent. Hopefully, there’s a novelty here for everyone to enjoy. If not, well, every party needs a pooper, right?

So let’s begin.

 

Brain Hemorrhage
-1 oz Peach Schnapps
-1 tsp Irish Cream
-1 dash Grenadine

The Brain Hemorrhage

This is the one you’ll see all over the Internet, and it’s the one everyone knows, so I figured it’s as good a place as any to start. It’s also known as the Abortion Shot in some circles. However, I figured it’s a little less offensive to metaphorically cannibalize a brain instead of metaphorically cannibalizing an unwanted fetus. Hence, we’re going to go with Brain Hemorrhage.

It looks disgusting but tastes like candy. It’s nothing special, but if you ever fancy yourself as devouring a brain in one sugary gulp, then I guess this is for you.

So, pour the schnapps into a shot glass. Depending on the size of your shot glass you may have to increase the amount of schnapps. With the schnapps in the glass, slowly pour in the Irish cream — the schnapps will curdle it, and the result will look, well, awful. Add a small amount of grenadine to make it look bloody.

Also, you can add a dash or two of blue curacao to make an Alien Brain Hemorrhage. However, I advise against this. In fifteen years when the alien invaders take over our planet, you won’t want to have symbolically cannibalized the brains of our new overlords.

Next drink!

 

Witch’s Brew
-1 1/2 oz Chilled Vodka
-1 1/2 oz Chilled Lemon-Lime Soda
-Pop Rocks

The Witch’s Brew

So, this is a drink I found on another website under the name “Ghoul-tini.” While that’s a decent name, adding “-tini” to the end of drink names is something I don’t really care for. Also, I thought that the bubbling nature of this drink makes it seem like “brew” would be more fitting. So, I renamed it for this.

This is a neat little novelty drink that tastes basically like sweetened vodka. That might not appeal to you, which is fine, because, as noted, this is a novelty. Pop Rocks bubbling in the bottom of your glass is cool and fun — really the type of thing you always thought of doing as a child, but never did because of rumors of explosions.

So, dump a packet of Pop Rocks (any flavor) in the bottom of a cocktail glass. Pour in the vodka first, and then the soda. However, stand back. Turns out there’s some truth to those old rumors, as the instant that vodka hit the glass, the Pop Rocks decided to, well, pop. Pretty dramatically. Maybe the rumor shouldn’t have been Pop Rocks and Coke, but Pop Rocks and vodka, though that certainly is much less G-rated.

 

Jack-O-Lantern
-2 oz Jack Daniel’s (or another Tennessee Whiskey/Bourbon, I guess)
-1 oz Pumpkin Liqueur
-2 dashes Angostura Bitters
-1 Cinnamon Stick

The Jack-O-Lantern

So, there are about a million drink recipes on the Internet called the “Jack-O-Lantern,” and ninety percent of them include — you guessed it — Jack Daniel’s. Proving that I’m as unimaginative as everyone else, here’s my version of that drink. However, to make up for my lack of creativity, this drink does taste fucking awesome.

It’s nice and spicy, and very alcoholic. It’s also not one of the candy-like recipes on this spooky expedition of ours, which makes it a bit classier, I think. If you like pumpkin and/or whiskey, you’ll like this.

So, you can probably find some pumpkin liqueur during the Fall, but why not just make your own? Whatever your method, once you have the liqueur, shake or stir (your choice) the liquid ingredients with ice and strain it into a cocktail glass. Garnish it with a cinnamon stick and enjoy.

This is also a great way to pretend that Jack Daniel’s totally isn’t an classless party liquor, so take good advantage of the opportunity if you’re a fan of the stuff. That’s the magic of pumpkins I suppose.

 

Bleeding Witch
-1 1/2 oz Silver Tequila
-1/2 oz Blue Curacao
-1 oz Pineapple Juice
-1 oz Orange Juice
-1/2 oz Lime Juice
-Maraschino Cherry

The Bleeding Witch

Novelty drink or not, this cocktail is actually a pretty good cooler. Its eery green color is also way fun. Let’s face it — not enough cocktails are green.

Anyway, this drink is refreshing and cool-looking, and if you’re serving drinks at a Halloween party, it’ll definitely be a hit. And even though the idea of consuming a witch who happens to be bleeding is kind of disgusting, your guests will still love this fruity cooler.

Sidenote: Appropriately enough, it seems like a fair number of these Halloween-themed drinks involve cannibalism. If that’s your thing, I guess…

So, shake the liquid ingredients with ice and strain it into a cocktail glass. Drop the cherry in and let it float to the bottom. One note: You might have to add some more pineapple and/orange juice to make it more green than blue, but I wouldn’t go more than a half ounce for each type of juice.

 

To Be Continued…
And that’s where I end for today, but be sure to come back Friday for some more suggestions on how to make your Halloween weekend this year one that you will most likely forget.


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