Category Archives: Amaretto

A Greeting to Colder Days: Scotch Cocktails

Well, it finally happened, folks. I woke up this morning, and the weather was in the 50s. I think that means that Summer is officially over, and, as a certain doomed vassal lord might say, Winter is, in fact, coming. We’d better get a towel.

With the weather starting to turn, I thought whiskey might be a good choice for this week. Or, rather, whisky, as I decided to make scotch cocktails this week. In case you don’t know, if it’s from America or Ireland, it’s whiskey; if it’s from Scotland or Canada, it’s whisky. I hear there are also a few Japanese brands on the rise that are called whisky, since they’re made in a similar style to scotch.

In any case, scotch is this week, but scotch isn’t for everyone. However, if you’re curious about scotch, there might be a few introductory cocktails here that you can try. If you already like scotch, then you probably aren’t huge on putting them into to cocktails. But experimentation can be a good thing, and some of these cocktails might make you happier than simply drinking your scotch neat all the time.

You can use whatever scotch you want for these, I suppose, but I do highly recommend that you use a decent and not-too-expensive blend. You don’t want to waste your expensive single malt. I’m using Chivas Regal 12 for all of these. For a blend, it’s very good, and its only about $30 for a fifth where I live, which for scotch isn’t that expensive.

Now let’s get too it.

Mamie Taylor
-2 oz Scotch
-1/2 oz Lime Juice
-3-5 oz Ginger Beer
-Lemon Wedge

Mamie Taylor

To start our scotch adventure, we begin with a pretty easy to drink cocktail. This goes down really smooth and has a nice hint of whisky to help you become acquainted with the flavor. If you’re new to scotch, this is a good place to start. Just don’t expect other scotch drinks to taste like this, because they won’t. Oh dear god, they certainly won’t.

On the other hand, if you already like scotch, you ought to go ahead and skip this drink, because there’s a good chance you’ll think it’s an abomination. It’s true that such a mixture more traditionally calls for bourbon, but it still makes sense to use scotch. So if you think this might be an abomination, don’t be that guy that makes it and complains about it. You already know you won’t like it. Just skip it.

Pour the liquid ingredients into a ice-filled highball glass, stir gently, and garnish with the lemon.

Scotch Buck
-2 oz Scotch
-Lemon Wedge
-3-5 oz Ginger Ale

Scotch Buck

And now for something completely similar.

“Buck” is usually used to describe a tall drink that mixes liquor and ginger ale over ice. I thought it would be a nice and easy step from the last drink, and the two cocktails are definitely alike. The Scotch Buck, however, has a more pronounced scotch flavor. I think we can thank the less pronounced flavor of ginger ale compared to ginger beer for that.

Since the scotch flavor is stronger here, this might be a better introductory scotch cocktail than the Mamie Taylor. The latter is likely to leave you without a very good idea of the taste of scotch, or how it differs from other whisk(e)ys. The Buck can educate you where the Mamie Taylor can’t. However, again, if you are already a scotch drinker, you might not like this. Be forewarned.

Fill a highball glass with ice, squeeze the lemon wedge over it, and pour the liquid ingredients in. Stir gently and enjoy.

Godfather
-2 oz Scotch
-1 oz Amaretto

Godfather

This drink isn’t bad at all. In fact, it’s quite nice. That being said, this is still an offer you could probably refuse. I mean, you have a decent scotch and the only thing you can think to do with it is add amaretto? You probably don’t deserve decent scotch, if that’s the case.

Still, this drink is very nice. It’s slightly sweet and nutty, and it still fills that roll of being an easy scotch-based drink if you don’t already have a taste for scotch. It’s just that the character of the scotch really doesn’t come through, so it remains in a weird introductory drink limbo. But if you’re interested, it’s simple and it tastes good. Have at it.

Shake the ingredients with ice, and strain it into an ice-filled rocks glass.

Rusty Nail
-1 1/2 oz Scotch
-1 oz Drambuie
-Lemon Twist

Rusty Nail

If you already like scotch, this is the liqueur-and-scotch combo for you. Scotch comes out more here than in the other three drinks I’ve tried so far. Of course, it helps that Drambuie is scotch-based to begin with.

This is sweet, with some interesting spicy flavors and anise notes. The lemon peel is also absolutely essential, as well. It adds so much to the aroma, which does a lot to make this drink more complex.

If you’re new to scotch, this is where the drinks start getting tougher. If you haven’t acquired a taste for it yet, go back to level one and don’t use the warp zone this time. You’ll develop that taste soon enough, and then you’ll be more likely to enjoy this drink with an appreciation for scotch, rather than thoughts about tetanus.

Combine the liquid ingredients in an ice-filled rocks glass, stir, and garnish with the lemon twist.

Blood and Sand
-1 oz Scotch
-1 oz Orange Juice
-3/4 oz Sweet Vermouth
-3/4 oz Cherry Brandy

Blood and Sand

This drink is named after a really old movie that is apparently somewhat of a classic. I’m no cinema buff, though, so I can only tell you that it has this name because of the amber color, that looks kind of like blood-stained sand. And there’s your educational fix for the day.

This drink is pretty good, and it smells absolutely wonderful. However, the cherry brandy gives a bit too much of a sugary taste. This drink isn’t overly sweet, but the sweet ingredients are very noticeable. So, take that for what it’s worth.

Also, you’re apparently supposed to use blood orange juice for this cocktail, in keeping with the theme, of course. I’m a hardcore rebel (read: there weren’t any blood oranges at the grocery store), so I used a regular old navel orange. Take that, The Man.

Shake the ingredients with ice and strain it into a martini glass. If you want to get fancy, garnish it with a flamed orange peel. I’m too lazy for that shit.

Rob Roy
-2 1/2 oz Scotch
-1/2 oz Sweet Vermouth
-1 dash Angostura Bitters
-Maraschino Cherry

Rob Roy

And here we reach the scotchiest of these drinks. A Rob Roy is a Manhattan made with Scotch, and that’s exactly what it tastes like. It has a good balance between sweet and bitter, it’s strong, and it’s delicious.

I’ve suggested that you use blended scotch in these cocktails, but using a decent single malt is acceptable with this drink and okay I just need to put this sentence on pause for a minute to let you know that I just used the aroma to counteract the rather rank odor of my cat’s flatulence. When the hell did he have eggs? Anyway, scotch can fix cat farts. The more you know.

As I was saying, it’s okay to use a single malt for this drink. The scotch is completely dominant, so it’s alright to use vermouth and bitters to add some complexity, in my opinion. If you have a $200 scotch, then you probably don’t want to use it here, but I don’t see a reason why lesser single malts can’t shine here.

Stir the liquid ingredients with ice and strain it into a martini glass. Garnish with the cherry.

Denouement
Don’t worry, folks. I’ll do something less classy soon. See you next week.


Warming the Soul and Intoxicating the Body: Hot Drink for the Winter

Hello, ladies and gentlemen. I come to you after a week-long hiatus, during which I allowed my liver to play catch up. I know you all missed me. I missed you, too. Yes, you.

Anyway, it’s getting colder! Actually, here in North Carolina, it’s not getting that much colder at all. In fact, it’s been pretty warm the past couple of days. But, it should be getting colder any day now, and I imagine it’s pretty cold in other parts of the world.

So, it’s with that hopeful imagination that I present to you this week’s adventure on Six Drinks Too Many: hot drinks. Simple enough, right? Maybe if we enjoy some hot drinks together, we can will it to be cold and wintery, as it should be.

And if not, these drinks are enjoyable anyway, and it will get cold eventually. But don’t let the weather stop you — if you want a hot drink with booze in it, then damn it, enjoy a hot drink with booze in it.

First though, a disclaimer for the coffee lovers: None of these are coffee drinks. There are enough coffee-based alcoholic drinks that I’ll be doing a coffee-themed post somewhere down the line, rather than interspersing a few here.

And now, without any more interruptions, let’s begin.

 

Hot Grog
-1 1/2 oz Myers’s Rum or other Dark Rum
-3/4 oz Honey
-3/4 oz Lemon Juice
-Hot Water
-Cinnamon Stick

Hot Grog

Hot Grog

So, I sat down and I said to myself, “Self, what’s the number one concern of most people on the Internet today?” The answer became immediately obvious. Fighting scurvy, of course! Therefore, I thought I’d help you all out. You’re welcome, by the way.

To my knowledge, this drink was created on the high seas. The rum was used to make the water drinkable, and the lemon provided vitamin C to fight scurvy. I’m not sure if honey was used in original recipes, but if it was, it was probably to make the drink more palatable. If anyone knows more about the history of grog or can correct me an any point, please share in the comments.
In any case, the name is weird and a lot of people probably don’t realize what it actually is, but this is a pretty decent little drink. It’s not particularly interesting, but it’s nice. The different flavors work well together, and this will definitely warm both your body and your soul. Also, this is basically a Hot Toddy but with rum instead of whiskey. So, if you prefer bourbon to rum, do that instead.

If you want to keep yourself fighting-fit and scurvy-free, start by pouring the honey into a mug and add a splash of hot water. Stir it a bit to thin the honey out before making the drink. Add the rum and lemon juice and fill with hot water. Stir and garnish with a cinnamon stick.

Next drink!

 

Hot Buttered Rum
-2 oz Dark Rum
-1 tsp Brown Sugar
-Hot Water
-1 tsp Butter
-Grated or Ground Nutmeg

Hot Buttered Rum

Hot Buttered Rum

This is one of those hot drinks that people know about, but don’t really tend to try, as far as I can tell. If you’ve never tried it, it is exactly what it sounds like: rum with butter. The temperature also happens to be hot.

It’s pretty good, and even though the idea of adding butter to a drink is kind of gross, the butter is really a fucking awesome idea. It’s like a nice piece of angel poop floating on top of warm liquor. And no, you have never read anything so delightful before.

But, yeah, it is really disgusting to drink butter. Drinking this drink probably won’t make you feel good about yourself, in any case. But, I’m an American, which means that by any measuring stick, I’m behind in the drinking butter world when compared to my peers. Really, it’s the little things that make you feel better.

Start by putting the brown sugar and a splash of hot water in the bottom of a mug and stir it until to sugar dissolves. Add the rum, fill with hot water, and stir. Float the slice of butter on top and sprinkle some nutmeg on that bitch.

Let’s do something a little sweeter now.

 

Hot Brandy Alexander
-1 oz Brandy
-1 oz Dark Crème de Cacao
-Hot Milk
-Whipped Cream
-Grated or Ground Nutmeg

Hot Brandy Alexander

Hot Brandy Alexander

The cold version of this drink is a classic — interestingly enough even more of a classic than the regular Alexander with gin. Turns out that the hot version is also pretty good. It’s chocolate, milk, and booze, after all. At any temperature, that’s hard to argue with.

So, if you like chocolate, you’ll probably like this. I don’t even like brandy (which just so happens to taste like the piss of Margaret Thatcher), and I like this. Of course, if you don’t like chocolate, then why don’t you go back to the Hell pit you crawled out of?

To make this yummy little drink, pour the brandy and crème de cacao into a mug, and fill with hot milk. Add a dollop of whipped cream on top and sprinkle some nutmeg over it.

 

Bull’s Milk
-1 1/2 oz Dark Rum
-3/4 oz Cognac
-Hot Milk
-1 tsp Maple Syrup
-Grated or Ground Nutmeg

Bull's Milk

Bull’s Milk

What can you expect from a drink that sounds like a euphemism for semen? Well, it’s about as enjoyable as that, but with just a hint of maple.

I do not care for this drink at all. The liquor component of it is a little too rough, and the maple doesn’t really do a lot for it — but it does lend a nice aftertaste. The problem is that the actual taste is so godawful that the aftertaste is like someone apologizing to you after setting your house on fire and kicking you in the genitals. I’d say it’s worth a try, but quite frankly, there are so many better options for a hot drink. You can drink better drinks with your time.

Alright, truth be told, I’ve had much worse drinks. But this doesn’t measure up to the other drinks I’ve had for this post so far. But, if you like brandy and rum, this might appeal to you, and making it is simple. Pour the liquor into a mug, fill it with hot milk, and add the maple syrup. Stir and sprinkle some nutmeg on top.

 

Sevilla Flip
-1 1/2 oz Light Rum
-1 1/2 Ruby Port
-2 oz Cream
-1/2 tsp Sugar

Sevilla Flip

Sevilla Flip

I picked this drink because it looked interesting. I saw that ruby port was included in the recipe and thought, “Say, is that a fortified wine in a recipe for a hot drink? It is! By all mighty Zeus, that’s interesting! I must try it — and I’m certain that it won’t be disgusting, even though my initial surprise at the inclusion of port in the recipe would signify that there’s a definite reason why I didn’t expect this eccentric ingredient to be included.”

Well, it turns out there is a reason why I initially thought the port was a really fucking weird inclusion. That reason is that it is a REALLY FUCKING WEIRD INCLUSION. At first, you won’t like this drink, but then it just gets extremely weird. I don’t know if I should recommend it or not. It’s too weird for me to know what’s happening — it’s like Donnie Darko was a drink instead of a movie.

I don’t love it. I don’t hate it. I’m just confused by it.

So, making it is a bit more labor-intensive than the previous drinks. Start by combining the cream and sugar in a small saucepan over low heat. Add the rum and port and bring it to a low simmer. Pour it into a mug, and try to enjoy — even though it may be futile. I will say that the cream likes to separate. I don’t know if it’s supposed to. In any case, you can keep stirring it if you want it all combined. Otherwise, don’t worry about it.

 

Southern Chai
-1 oz Bourbon
-1/4 oz Triple Sec
-1/4 oz Amaretto
-8 oz Chai Tea Concentrate
-3 oz Milk
-Lemon Wedge studded with Whole Cloves

Southern Chai

Southern Chai

I really like chai tea. It’s pretty much the only thing I ever get at Starbucks. But, as much as I like chai tea, I’ve never been drinking it and thought that it would be improved by bourbon. But then, I don’t think that most things would be improved by bourbon. If you’re the type of person that tends to consume something and think that it could be improved with bourbon, I don’t think we’d get along very well.

That being said, this drink isn’t bad. It’s chai-tastic, and it has some nice liquory notes and interesting aromas from the added ingredients. I think I still prefer regular chai tea, but this isn’t a bad alternative, especially if you’re a whiskey drinker, or are just looking to get drunk off of chai.

This is another labor-intensive drink. In a small saucepan, combine the chai concentrate and milk and bring it to a simmer. Pour it into a mug, and add the alcoholic ingredients. Stir, and garnish with the studded lemon wedge.

As a side note, my lovely fiancee tells me that I studded the lemon wedge wrong. Apparently, you’re supposed to stud the peel. I studded the meat of the lemon, because I thought that made more sense. It’s a lot easier to stud the meat instead of the peel. But, I will bow to the “correct way.” However, both ways will provide you with the aroma of lemon and cloves, so the difference might be purely visual.

 

Denouement

The weather outside is … well, pretty mild. But, the drinks inside are fucking awesome. Warm so water, add some booze, and raise a hot glass to the winter months, dear drinkers. I’ll see you next week.


Rum and Coke: Caribbean Freedom

Hello, weary travelers, and welcome(!) to the first post of Six Drinks Too Many, the blog where I, in the name of science and justifying the making of oh-so-many drinks, will be exploring at least six drinks every week for the overall advancement of humanity. And, of course, for your amusement.

Drinking for science.

Every week I’ll be looking at a single drink, ingredient, or theme, and exploring different ways to spice them up. (Sober Edit: This week I mean that literally, and quite unfortunately as it turns out.) I’ll look at variations of classic cocktails and exciting ways to make your liquor unique. I’ll make the drinks, drink them, write about them, share the recipes, and hopefully amuse you with my increasingly inebriated words.

So, let’s get started! What incredible drink could I have possibly chosen for the maiden post of this fledgling blog? If you read the title, you already know, but let’s keep up the illusion for now. In any case, how could I have picked anything other than the well-loved, ever-popular, sometimes sneered-upon Rum and Coke? Few things are as classic and well-ordered today as this sugary and unhealthy spectacle. Really, there was no better choice for the first post than this old bar stand-by — I mean, you weren’t going to order something different, were you?

By the way, you can obviously make any of these drinks with the diet version of the soda. However, that’s a terrible idea, and if you do that, you’re a terrible person, and you deserve the awful drink you make. Diet soda is gross, and should never be used in cocktails. Ever. Your rum deserves better, you calorie counting cock.

In all seriousness, though, the flavor of diet soda — all diet soda — is weak compare to regular soda. It just can’t hold its own against even the lightest of rums. Even if you drink diet soda instead of regular soda on a day-to-day basis, I encourage you to use real soda for these recipes. The flavor will be much better and far more balanced. If you insist on using diet, that’s fine, but you might make something that only a high schooler tasting hard liquor for the first time would enjoy. I urge you to indulge this one time, and use the less healthy choice.

And so, without further ado, I give you the first recipe.

Cuba Libre
-1/2 Lime
-1 1/2 oz Light Rum
-Cola

The Cuba Libre

The Cuba Libre causes confusion among some people, because it’s just a Rum and Coke with lime, usually as a garnish. However, that small difference changes the drink completely — and not just the name. The drink itself benefits from the lime, as it works with the rum to undercut the cola’s sweet characteristics, resulting in a more complex drink (yes, I did just use the word complex to describe a Rum and Coke). Anyway, let’s talk about how to make it.

Does this make you randy?

Start with a glass and squeeze the lime half to release the juice. Finish by dropping the hull in. Most recipes will tell you to just add a lime wedge onto the side of the glass as a garnish when you’re done making the drink, but that method is for people with no ambition and no means of attracting a mate.

With the lime in the glass, fill the glass the rest of the way with ice.

Mexican Coca-Cola. Strictly for champions. And Mexicans who may or may not be champions.

Now, of course, pour in your rum, and fill with cola. You can use whatever brand you like, but Mexican Coca-Cola is an ideal choice, because it’s still made with real cane sugar. If you can find it (any international food market should have it, and some hippy grocery stores have it, too), it’s definitely worth it for your mixed drinks. If you can’t find it, use whatever cola you prefer.

Also, if you’re a purist, you ought to use Cuban Rum. I, being lazy, used Bacardi. May the rum gods have mercy on my soul. (Of course, Bacardi, ever the grandaddy of the rum market, claims that its gold rum was used in the first incarnation of the libation. This is most likely a blatant lie, but it’s still the rum I buy. Capitalist pigs.)

Anyway, stir and enjoy. The Cuba Libre is a great way to make the Rum and Coke a little bit more complex without changing the general awesomeness and flavor of the drink. It was (supposedly) invented by a an American soldier who was taking a break while “liberating” Cuba during the Spanish-American War. This is most likely not true, as Coca-Cola wasn’t introduced to Cuba until 1900, 2 years after the war ended. This doesn’t make the story impossible, but it does mean that the soldier would have a had a hard time getting ingredients.

True or false, this story leads me to think about Teddy Roosevelt destroying the countryside with his Rough Riders, and then getting drunk off of top shelf rum. In other words, this cocktail, much like TR himself, is certified badass. Also, maybe terrifying, as I’m sure a drunken Teddy Roosevelt could kill almost anything with just his middle toe.

On to the next drink!

Coppertone
-1 1/2 oz Malibu Coconut Rum
-Cherry Coke
-Maraschino Cherry (optional)

The Coppertone

This drink is named for its smell, which is remarkably similar to the smell of sunblock. Luckily, it doesn’t taste like sunblock, and probably isn’t as poisonous. It’s very sweet, and a little nutty, in my opinion. Additionally, the cherry and coconut flavors work surprisingly well together. My fiancee, who was a very willing test subject for this drink, says that the coconut actually brings out the cherry, as weird as that may sound. The cherry dominates the coconut flavor, but the coconut hits you first, and it’s still in the background, making the drink even sweeter.

This is a good choice for someone who might just be in a mood for something sweet and different (and I guarantee you this drink is different from a lot of things you’ll taste). Of course, don’t let your bros catch you drinking it, or you might be ostracized for indulging in the frou-frou side of life.

Cherry Coke is one of the primary ingredients of sunblock. Believe it.

Fill your glass with ice, pour in the rum (you can use another brand of coconut rum, but Malibu is the “official” ingredient), and fill with the Coke. Stir and enjoy. If you want to garnish with a maraschino cherry, go for it. You might even want to add a splash of the syrup from the maraschino jar to the mixture, but what comes out might be unbearably sweet, so you may want to save that for those nights when you’re comforting yourself because everyone got invited to that big party but you. Yeah, it’s that kind of drink.

And with that I must go drink another drink! If you’re as adventurous as I am, look below to see what it was.

Midas
-1 1/2 oz Spiced Rum
-Cream Soda

The Midas

Here’s a version of the Rum and Coke that’s lighter and fluffier than the clouds that naked cherubs rest on. It’s sweet, as you might expect, but the spice plays off of it well, and neither the sweet nor spice is overpowering. You’ll taste the cream soda at first, but then the spiced rum kicks in, and it dances on your tongue like kittens getting entangled in a ball of yarn for a while after you’ve swallowed. It’s really just a nice, simple drink.

This is what the laughter of rainbow-colored bunnies tastes like.

So, fill a glass with ice, pour in your rum, and fill with cream soda. Stir it, drink it, and dream of babies and puppies playing together in perfect harmony. That whole deal.

One note: do not use a dark spiced rum for this recipe. Use a gold spiced rum like Captain Morgan or Sailor Jerry. Not only will a dark rum ruin the golden color of the drink for which it is named, but the robust flavor of the rum will completely overpower the lighter cream soda, making a concoction that will send you straight to Tartarus. (Subtle joke there. Hope you got it.)

If you want to use dark rum for something, then keep reading.

Doc Oc
-1 1/2 oz Kraken Black Spiced Rum
-Dr. Pepper

The Doc Oc

The name of this cocktail is one of my favorites. If you’re a superhero geek, make this for a drinking game during a Spiderman marathon. Most party guests will probably think you’re one clever motherfucker (which, let’s face it, you are).

This is the dark and heavy version of the Midas. Where the Midas is bubblegum pop, the Doc Oc is pure metal. Where the Midas is love, the Doc Oc is the type of resentment taht builds up for years until you finally snap. Where the Midas is freedom, the Doc Oc is an iron fisted tyranny. But don’t be put off — it’s your fist, goddamnit. This cocktail tastes like the deep seas with a strong and robust flavor that will convince even the snobbiest of cocktail aficionados that there might be room for the Rum and Coke in the pantheon of great drinks.

This rum is black. Much like my soul.

Prepare it just as you would the Midas, but with these ingredients instead. You can also use regular dark rum if you don’t want to spend the money on Kraken, but the flavor will be a little less complex (but still good). However, don’t use light rum in a mix with Dr. Pepper. Dr. Pepper has a much stronger flavor than regular cola, and light rum just doesn’t stand up to that (the resulting drink won’t be awful, but it could be so much better). Always use dark rum, and the flavors will fight each other like Olympian gods vying for power over a war-torn and trembling world below them.

A mix of Dr. Pepper and regular dark rum, by the way, is known as a Witch Doctor.

Let’s see what I’m gonna drink next…

Nutty Libre
-1 oz Light Rum
-1 oz Amaretto
-Cola

The Nutty Libre

This tastes like hazelnut coffee if it was made out of soda. And alcohol. So that’s cool.

This mixture isn’t as exciting as some other variations, but it is nice. It certainly isn’t as strong as the Doc Oc, nor as enjoyable as the Midas, but it is a fine little drink, and a pretty good use of amaretto. It’s kind of like videos of people getting hit in the balls: simple and nice, but not very exciting anymore. Much like Green Day’s new music, it’s just kind of boring.

Anyway, fill a glass with ice, pour in the alcohol and fill with the cola. Stir it, drink it, and fantasize about what else you could be doing.

Speaking of what else you could be doing…

Hot Cuba Libre
-1/2 Lime
-1 1/2 oz Light Rum
-Cola
-Splash Hot Sauce

The Hot Cuba Libre

This drink is apparently popular in the West Indies. In related news, the West Indies is the worst place in the world. If you ever wondered what white trash or poverty tastes like, try this drink. Seriously, this drink is like fermented Taco Bell, if Taco Bell was owned by a trailer park frathouse.

This is how this drink makes me feel inside.

For the record, this drink officially uses Caribbean hot sauce, but if that matters to you, you’re totally missing the point that this drink is awful no matter what, and should only be given to Nazis who have avoided punishment for the past seventy years. Now that I think about it, this might explain why it comes to us from South America, which is where many Nazis supposedly fled. However, that means that this place now has Nazis and this drink. Doesn’t sound like the best vacation.

Anyway, make it like you would make a regular Cuba Libre, but add in the hot sauce before stirring. And don’t skimp on the hot sauce, either (a splash is generally regarded as less than a quarter ounce, but still a significant amount). Too little, and you won’t taste it. Make sure there’s enough in there for you to notice it, in all its ungodly glory. No, I’m not going to let you pussy out on this one; I drank it, and therefore you should have to drink it too. I want you to know what rock bottom tastes like.

Seriously, why would anyone think this is a good idea? Ever?

Also, if you’re one of those douche bags that prides themselves on drinking awful drinks, go ahead and skip the lime. The citrus distracts some from the hot sauce, and makes the drink bearable. Leave it out if your purpose is to impress your friends. Though, also realize that doing so makes you a dick.

On to my final drink.

 

Cuba Libre Preparado (Prepared Cuba Libre)
-1/2 Lime
-1 1/2 oz Light Rum
-1 to 2 dashes Gin
-1 to 2 dashes Angostura Bitters
-Cola

The Cuba Libre Preparado

This is a Venezuelan variation, and it’s a little weird. The gin is almost unnoticeable, being more of a feeling and an aftertaste than a contributor to flavor. Still, this is the only drink in this post that mixes two liquors (amaretto is a liqueur, and is therefore, by definition, a girly drink), so that makes it interesting and tempting.

These bitters are, well, bitter. Once again, much like my soul.

The bitters, however, add a bit of spice and blending that isn’t present in other versions, and that kicks more ass than Batman with chainsaw hands. The bitters make it taste a lot more purposeful, as though you weren’t simply putting rum and coke together like some college freshmen with no better ideas. If you’re a cocktail lover, this might be the version of the drink for you.

Anyway, squeeze the juice out of the lime into your glass, and drop the hull in. Then fill the glass with some motherfucking ice, because you’re a classy motherfucker who does not like his or her drinks to be room temperature (Room temperature? Fuck that noise.).

Pour in the rum, and add the gin and bitters. A dash, by the way, is about six drops. It’s open to interpretation and experimentation, though, so don’t let me hold you down — I’m not the boss of you. Do what you want, and let your dreams be your guide.

Briefly consider just drinking your limey alcoholic concoction to seem sophisticated and cultured (this is an important part of the process), but then ultimately decide that you have a love for sugar and carbonation, and fill it up with soda. Stir it, because you know what you make good decisions, and take a long, satisfied sip. You just made the Rum and Coke your bitch.

Denouement

So, what have we learned? I learned that fuck the West Indies and hot sauce. But also, I learned that the simple, sometimes insipid Rum and Coke — a favorite among those who don’t know what else to order — can become a titan, a beautiful and naked god in which the rest of the world may revel.

The Rum and Coke might seem sophomoric (I’m surprised I can even think of that word with this much alcohol in me, by the way), but that not need be the case. There are some great ways to make this simple drink as complex as people think Christopher Nolan movies are. Give some variations a try, and you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

Happy (responsible) drinking!


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