Category Archives: Cola

From Russia with Booze: The White Russian

Hey dudes and dudettes, and welcome to another exciting adventure with Six Drinks Too Many, even if it is a week late. I’m back and already a little buzzed, thanks to the potent little cocktail of the week, the delciously Marxist White Russian.

Actually, it didn’t really originate in Russia, and it’s probably not a hardcore enough drink for Russians, anyway. I mean, this drink does involve mixing anything at all with vodka, which means it’s probably illegal in Russia.

In any case, it definitely isn’t hardcore. The White Russian is an excellent drink for someone who wants to drink something potent, but can’t quite muster up the guts to drink something too liquory like a Martini or a Manhattan. Plus, it’s a nice cult drink thanks to The Big Lebowski.

A few notes before I get into giving you some recipes, though. First, you can mix a White Russian by stirring or by shaking. You could also even leave it unmixed with the cream sitting on top of the vodka and coffee liqueur. It’s your own personal preference. I prefer to build mine in the glass and stir. Do it whatever way you want, because this is America, and not Russia (unless you happen to be reading this in Russia … or any country other than America for that matter).

Second, all of these recipes, and most recipes for White Russians you’ll ever see, will have it served on the rocks. However, you can also serve White Russians up in a cocktail glass. To do this, shake the ingredients with ice and strain it into your cocktail glass.

Third, heavy cream is the recommended dairy product, but you can also use light cream, half and half, or milk. However, you really should use heavy cream (and only use milk in a pinch).

Fourth, in most of these recipes, I’ll be telling you to fill your glass with cream after you’ve poured in your alcohol. You can also measure out the cream in equal portion to the alcoholic ingredients — 2 ounces in most cases. If you’re going to shake your ingredients instead of stirring them, this is what you should be doing.

Okay, enough of that. Let’s start drinking!

 

White Russian
-1 oz Vodka
-1 oz Coffee Liqueur
-Cream

The White Russian

So here is the delicious classic — sweet and creamy in all of its alcoholic glory. The Dude loved it, and for good reason — it’s awesome. If you’re ever at a bar and can’t think of anything else to order, the White Russian is fantastic go-to choice. And, even though it is very sweet and easy to drink, it doesn’t have the same stigma that other sweet drinks do, possibly because its not fruity or chocolatey. In any case, not many people will judge you for ordering this one. If they do judge you, they might be actual Russians, in which case we won the Cold War, so bollocks to them.

Creamy goodness.

Anyway, fill your glass with ice, pour in your vodka, your coffee liqueur, and fill with your cream (as disgusting as that sounds). Stir it (if that’s what you’re into, no judging), and enjoy. And enjoy it you will, because, as noted above, this drink is basically designed to be enjoyed. It was designed to be so enjoyed, that it’s really easy to enjoy three of them.

Next drink!

 

Blind Russian
-1 oz Vodka
-1 oz Coffee Liqueur
-2 oz Irish Cream

The Blind Russian

Mmm. Liquory cereal. That’s what this cocktail tastes like. Imagine if the milk you poured on your Cocoa Puffs was alcoholic. Also, imagine you’ve had Cocoa Puffs in the last ten years. That’s kind of what this drink tastes like, anyway, only maybe less appropriate for Saturday morning cartoons (but even so, I think I just found a way to make Spongebob A LOT better).

So, this drink is basically an excuse to make a White Russian that will fuck you up more. Usually, I’m against that sort of tomfoolery; if getting drunk faster is more important to you than making a good drink, then you might as well just do shots instead of fucking up a cocktail. However, this drink is delicious, so it might just be the exception to the rule. Give it a try, but do be warned: it tastes too good for how strong it is, and it goes down easier than Justin Bieber getting hit by Thor’s hammer. (You thought I was going to make some oral sex joke there, didn’t you? Please, I’m classier than that. Classier than Justin Bieber’s prostitutes, anyway.) As with any time you’re drinking, know you’re limits, and don’t let the taste of this cocktail trick you into drinking too many, or you will have a bad night.

So, fill a glass with ice, pour in your ingredients, and stir. Also, I didn’t drink it this way, but this also might be an excellent variation to serve up rather than on the rocks. Live adventurously and let me know how it turned out.

Onwards!

 

Colorado Bulldog
-1 oz Vodka
-1 oz Coffee Liqueur
-2 oz Cream
-Cola

The Colorado Bulldog

So, before trying this drink, I’ll admit — I had already filed it under the “Oh dear merciful Zeus of glorious Olympus, why would anyone do that” category. However, that was me jumping the gun a little bit. Putting dairy and cola together sounds weird at first, but that’s also basically what you’re doing anytime you make an ice cream float. And, naturally, this tastes much like a float. So, bullet dodged, and I owe Zeus an apology for taking His name in vain.

Shake it like you shouldn’t shake a Polaroid picture.

The drink is a little weird, but it’s definitely not bad. It’s a little more interesting than a regular White Russian, though not necessarily better. I think I’ll side with The Dude on this one, and keep the soda out of my Caucasians for now. However, like most things that don’t involve a redneck and some source of fire, it’s worth trying.

So, shake your vodka, coffee liqueur, and cream in a shaker with ice, and strain it into an ice-filled glass (use a slightly taller glass than what you’re probably using for White Russians). Fill with the cola, and drink. Do not stir.

You can also pour your first three ingredients in a glass and stir, but I I decided to shake this one. Made it a little more frothier. Much like Justin Bieber’s prostitute. And I smell a recurring theme tonight…

 

Chocolate Strawberry (or Justin Bieber’s Prostitute)
-1 oz Strawberry Flavored Vodka
-1 oz Dark Crème de Cacao
-Cream

The Justin Bieber’s Prostitute

This drink is my own little mix, though I’m sure I’m not the first person to put these ingredients together. By the way, I’m open to suggestions for a better name for this drink than the awful one I have right now (though my alternative name is growing on me … much in the same way that Justin Bieber grows on his extremely high class and reasonably frothy prostitute). Give me some suggestions, and if I like it, maybe I’ll high five you or send you some McNuggets or something. Who knows?

Anyway, this is a good dessert drink, and it mimics the taste of an actual chocolate-covered strawberry about as well as artificial flavors can — which is pretty well. The cream also balances the alcoholic bite, so you can actually focus on the intended flavor, rather than coughing because flavored vodka is kind of weird.

Anyway, build it like you would a White Russian. Also, feel free to use white crème de cacao — I chose dark to keep the color the same as a regular White Russian, but the flavor should be the same between white and dark. However, if you do use white, keep in mind that that’s one more way you’re supporting white privilege, and another job you’re taking a way from the darker-toned minority. Asshole.

 

White Mexican
-1 oz Tequila (preferably silver)
-1 oz Coffee Liqueur
-Cream

The White Mexican

Admit it — most of you only use tequila for shots and margaritas. That’s really sad, isn’t it? The thing is, tequila has an uncanny way of working with flavors that it really shouldn’t work with. It’s kind of like the barbecue sauce of the liquor world in that way, though you definitely shouldn’t pour tequila over a bad burger in hopes that it will make it taste better. Actually, go ahead and do that, and you’ll probably get what you deserve.

It’s not easy being creamy.

So, this cocktail sounds a little gross, but it’s actually pretty good. It’s definitely more complex than a White Russian, and the full flavor effect is something that a liquor connoisseur might appreciate. The tequila is a lot more noticeable than the vodka — try to imagine what creamy tequila might taste and feel like, and you’ve got this drink. Sounds disgusting, I know. In fact, it sounds like something someone might make at a party that’s run out of both vodka and limes. Luckily, this drink is a lot better than the godawful concoction that whatever some misguided college party-goer might make in such a scenario. If you like tequila, you’ll like this. Try it — your tequila deserves better than being paired with some citrus juice every time you drink it. Let it see the world and be its own person.

Make it like you would a White Russian, but with tequila instead of vodka.

 

White Indian
-1 oz Gin
-1 oz Coffee Liqueur
-Cream

The White Indian

Is it just me, or is our way of naming cocktails to show which liquor is in them a little racist? Not offensively so or anything, like, fun racist. Weird racist. The type of racist you get when Justin Bieber shouts racial slurs at his prostitute mid-coitus. Of course, “White Indian” sounds a lot better than “White Juniper-Flavored Spirit Cocktail,” so I guess I’ll let it go, just like Justin Bieber’s prostitute lets the abuse go.

So, this drink is… a drink. To be honest, I’m not sure if there’s much of a point. I like gin, but I don’t know if I like this drink. It doesn’t really taste all that different from a White Russian, except it gives you a weird gin aftertaste. If I were to list all the reasons I like gin, “weird aftertaste” probably wouldn’t be on list. It would be at least seventh or eight down, anyway.

Milk just doesn’t do this. Justin Bieber’s prostitute does, though. For a price.

If you don’t have vodka, I guess you could make this instead, and you’d wind up with more or less the same drink, but other than that it’s not really worth it. The tequila at least had a point — this is just someone putting gin in their White Russian and claiming they’ve made a new drink. In a fashion similar to the way Apple does marketing, it’s a completely unnecessary upgrade that’s basically the same as thing you left behind, but with some features you really didn’t want anyway. But, maybe it’s map app actually works, so who am I to judge?

Make it like you would a White Russian but with gin. However, I’m telling you, you really should just make a White Russian.

 

Denouement

Here we are, at the end of another night of drinking and exploration. What have we learned? I’ve learned that Justin Bieber is an incredibly freaky man who is aroused by racism. I’ve also learned that racism stops being a problem if we can all just get together and enjoy a round, man.

So put some dairy in your vodka and ask yourself what The Dude would do. And if you haven’t been understanding my “Dude” references, go watch The Big Lebowski. Now.

Happy (responsible) drinking!


Rum and Coke: Caribbean Freedom

Hello, weary travelers, and welcome(!) to the first post of Six Drinks Too Many, the blog where I, in the name of science and justifying the making of oh-so-many drinks, will be exploring at least six drinks every week for the overall advancement of humanity. And, of course, for your amusement.

Drinking for science.

Every week I’ll be looking at a single drink, ingredient, or theme, and exploring different ways to spice them up. (Sober Edit: This week I mean that literally, and quite unfortunately as it turns out.) I’ll look at variations of classic cocktails and exciting ways to make your liquor unique. I’ll make the drinks, drink them, write about them, share the recipes, and hopefully amuse you with my increasingly inebriated words.

So, let’s get started! What incredible drink could I have possibly chosen for the maiden post of this fledgling blog? If you read the title, you already know, but let’s keep up the illusion for now. In any case, how could I have picked anything other than the well-loved, ever-popular, sometimes sneered-upon Rum and Coke? Few things are as classic and well-ordered today as this sugary and unhealthy spectacle. Really, there was no better choice for the first post than this old bar stand-by — I mean, you weren’t going to order something different, were you?

By the way, you can obviously make any of these drinks with the diet version of the soda. However, that’s a terrible idea, and if you do that, you’re a terrible person, and you deserve the awful drink you make. Diet soda is gross, and should never be used in cocktails. Ever. Your rum deserves better, you calorie counting cock.

In all seriousness, though, the flavor of diet soda — all diet soda — is weak compare to regular soda. It just can’t hold its own against even the lightest of rums. Even if you drink diet soda instead of regular soda on a day-to-day basis, I encourage you to use real soda for these recipes. The flavor will be much better and far more balanced. If you insist on using diet, that’s fine, but you might make something that only a high schooler tasting hard liquor for the first time would enjoy. I urge you to indulge this one time, and use the less healthy choice.

And so, without further ado, I give you the first recipe.

Cuba Libre
-1/2 Lime
-1 1/2 oz Light Rum
-Cola

The Cuba Libre

The Cuba Libre causes confusion among some people, because it’s just a Rum and Coke with lime, usually as a garnish. However, that small difference changes the drink completely — and not just the name. The drink itself benefits from the lime, as it works with the rum to undercut the cola’s sweet characteristics, resulting in a more complex drink (yes, I did just use the word complex to describe a Rum and Coke). Anyway, let’s talk about how to make it.

Does this make you randy?

Start with a glass and squeeze the lime half to release the juice. Finish by dropping the hull in. Most recipes will tell you to just add a lime wedge onto the side of the glass as a garnish when you’re done making the drink, but that method is for people with no ambition and no means of attracting a mate.

With the lime in the glass, fill the glass the rest of the way with ice.

Mexican Coca-Cola. Strictly for champions. And Mexicans who may or may not be champions.

Now, of course, pour in your rum, and fill with cola. You can use whatever brand you like, but Mexican Coca-Cola is an ideal choice, because it’s still made with real cane sugar. If you can find it (any international food market should have it, and some hippy grocery stores have it, too), it’s definitely worth it for your mixed drinks. If you can’t find it, use whatever cola you prefer.

Also, if you’re a purist, you ought to use Cuban Rum. I, being lazy, used Bacardi. May the rum gods have mercy on my soul. (Of course, Bacardi, ever the grandaddy of the rum market, claims that its gold rum was used in the first incarnation of the libation. This is most likely a blatant lie, but it’s still the rum I buy. Capitalist pigs.)

Anyway, stir and enjoy. The Cuba Libre is a great way to make the Rum and Coke a little bit more complex without changing the general awesomeness and flavor of the drink. It was (supposedly) invented by a an American soldier who was taking a break while “liberating” Cuba during the Spanish-American War. This is most likely not true, as Coca-Cola wasn’t introduced to Cuba until 1900, 2 years after the war ended. This doesn’t make the story impossible, but it does mean that the soldier would have a had a hard time getting ingredients.

True or false, this story leads me to think about Teddy Roosevelt destroying the countryside with his Rough Riders, and then getting drunk off of top shelf rum. In other words, this cocktail, much like TR himself, is certified badass. Also, maybe terrifying, as I’m sure a drunken Teddy Roosevelt could kill almost anything with just his middle toe.

On to the next drink!

Coppertone
-1 1/2 oz Malibu Coconut Rum
-Cherry Coke
-Maraschino Cherry (optional)

The Coppertone

This drink is named for its smell, which is remarkably similar to the smell of sunblock. Luckily, it doesn’t taste like sunblock, and probably isn’t as poisonous. It’s very sweet, and a little nutty, in my opinion. Additionally, the cherry and coconut flavors work surprisingly well together. My fiancee, who was a very willing test subject for this drink, says that the coconut actually brings out the cherry, as weird as that may sound. The cherry dominates the coconut flavor, but the coconut hits you first, and it’s still in the background, making the drink even sweeter.

This is a good choice for someone who might just be in a mood for something sweet and different (and I guarantee you this drink is different from a lot of things you’ll taste). Of course, don’t let your bros catch you drinking it, or you might be ostracized for indulging in the frou-frou side of life.

Cherry Coke is one of the primary ingredients of sunblock. Believe it.

Fill your glass with ice, pour in the rum (you can use another brand of coconut rum, but Malibu is the “official” ingredient), and fill with the Coke. Stir and enjoy. If you want to garnish with a maraschino cherry, go for it. You might even want to add a splash of the syrup from the maraschino jar to the mixture, but what comes out might be unbearably sweet, so you may want to save that for those nights when you’re comforting yourself because everyone got invited to that big party but you. Yeah, it’s that kind of drink.

And with that I must go drink another drink! If you’re as adventurous as I am, look below to see what it was.

Midas
-1 1/2 oz Spiced Rum
-Cream Soda

The Midas

Here’s a version of the Rum and Coke that’s lighter and fluffier than the clouds that naked cherubs rest on. It’s sweet, as you might expect, but the spice plays off of it well, and neither the sweet nor spice is overpowering. You’ll taste the cream soda at first, but then the spiced rum kicks in, and it dances on your tongue like kittens getting entangled in a ball of yarn for a while after you’ve swallowed. It’s really just a nice, simple drink.

This is what the laughter of rainbow-colored bunnies tastes like.

So, fill a glass with ice, pour in your rum, and fill with cream soda. Stir it, drink it, and dream of babies and puppies playing together in perfect harmony. That whole deal.

One note: do not use a dark spiced rum for this recipe. Use a gold spiced rum like Captain Morgan or Sailor Jerry. Not only will a dark rum ruin the golden color of the drink for which it is named, but the robust flavor of the rum will completely overpower the lighter cream soda, making a concoction that will send you straight to Tartarus. (Subtle joke there. Hope you got it.)

If you want to use dark rum for something, then keep reading.

Doc Oc
-1 1/2 oz Kraken Black Spiced Rum
-Dr. Pepper

The Doc Oc

The name of this cocktail is one of my favorites. If you’re a superhero geek, make this for a drinking game during a Spiderman marathon. Most party guests will probably think you’re one clever motherfucker (which, let’s face it, you are).

This is the dark and heavy version of the Midas. Where the Midas is bubblegum pop, the Doc Oc is pure metal. Where the Midas is love, the Doc Oc is the type of resentment taht builds up for years until you finally snap. Where the Midas is freedom, the Doc Oc is an iron fisted tyranny. But don’t be put off — it’s your fist, goddamnit. This cocktail tastes like the deep seas with a strong and robust flavor that will convince even the snobbiest of cocktail aficionados that there might be room for the Rum and Coke in the pantheon of great drinks.

This rum is black. Much like my soul.

Prepare it just as you would the Midas, but with these ingredients instead. You can also use regular dark rum if you don’t want to spend the money on Kraken, but the flavor will be a little less complex (but still good). However, don’t use light rum in a mix with Dr. Pepper. Dr. Pepper has a much stronger flavor than regular cola, and light rum just doesn’t stand up to that (the resulting drink won’t be awful, but it could be so much better). Always use dark rum, and the flavors will fight each other like Olympian gods vying for power over a war-torn and trembling world below them.

A mix of Dr. Pepper and regular dark rum, by the way, is known as a Witch Doctor.

Let’s see what I’m gonna drink next…

Nutty Libre
-1 oz Light Rum
-1 oz Amaretto
-Cola

The Nutty Libre

This tastes like hazelnut coffee if it was made out of soda. And alcohol. So that’s cool.

This mixture isn’t as exciting as some other variations, but it is nice. It certainly isn’t as strong as the Doc Oc, nor as enjoyable as the Midas, but it is a fine little drink, and a pretty good use of amaretto. It’s kind of like videos of people getting hit in the balls: simple and nice, but not very exciting anymore. Much like Green Day’s new music, it’s just kind of boring.

Anyway, fill a glass with ice, pour in the alcohol and fill with the cola. Stir it, drink it, and fantasize about what else you could be doing.

Speaking of what else you could be doing…

Hot Cuba Libre
-1/2 Lime
-1 1/2 oz Light Rum
-Cola
-Splash Hot Sauce

The Hot Cuba Libre

This drink is apparently popular in the West Indies. In related news, the West Indies is the worst place in the world. If you ever wondered what white trash or poverty tastes like, try this drink. Seriously, this drink is like fermented Taco Bell, if Taco Bell was owned by a trailer park frathouse.

This is how this drink makes me feel inside.

For the record, this drink officially uses Caribbean hot sauce, but if that matters to you, you’re totally missing the point that this drink is awful no matter what, and should only be given to Nazis who have avoided punishment for the past seventy years. Now that I think about it, this might explain why it comes to us from South America, which is where many Nazis supposedly fled. However, that means that this place now has Nazis and this drink. Doesn’t sound like the best vacation.

Anyway, make it like you would make a regular Cuba Libre, but add in the hot sauce before stirring. And don’t skimp on the hot sauce, either (a splash is generally regarded as less than a quarter ounce, but still a significant amount). Too little, and you won’t taste it. Make sure there’s enough in there for you to notice it, in all its ungodly glory. No, I’m not going to let you pussy out on this one; I drank it, and therefore you should have to drink it too. I want you to know what rock bottom tastes like.

Seriously, why would anyone think this is a good idea? Ever?

Also, if you’re one of those douche bags that prides themselves on drinking awful drinks, go ahead and skip the lime. The citrus distracts some from the hot sauce, and makes the drink bearable. Leave it out if your purpose is to impress your friends. Though, also realize that doing so makes you a dick.

On to my final drink.

 

Cuba Libre Preparado (Prepared Cuba Libre)
-1/2 Lime
-1 1/2 oz Light Rum
-1 to 2 dashes Gin
-1 to 2 dashes Angostura Bitters
-Cola

The Cuba Libre Preparado

This is a Venezuelan variation, and it’s a little weird. The gin is almost unnoticeable, being more of a feeling and an aftertaste than a contributor to flavor. Still, this is the only drink in this post that mixes two liquors (amaretto is a liqueur, and is therefore, by definition, a girly drink), so that makes it interesting and tempting.

These bitters are, well, bitter. Once again, much like my soul.

The bitters, however, add a bit of spice and blending that isn’t present in other versions, and that kicks more ass than Batman with chainsaw hands. The bitters make it taste a lot more purposeful, as though you weren’t simply putting rum and coke together like some college freshmen with no better ideas. If you’re a cocktail lover, this might be the version of the drink for you.

Anyway, squeeze the juice out of the lime into your glass, and drop the hull in. Then fill the glass with some motherfucking ice, because you’re a classy motherfucker who does not like his or her drinks to be room temperature (Room temperature? Fuck that noise.).

Pour in the rum, and add the gin and bitters. A dash, by the way, is about six drops. It’s open to interpretation and experimentation, though, so don’t let me hold you down — I’m not the boss of you. Do what you want, and let your dreams be your guide.

Briefly consider just drinking your limey alcoholic concoction to seem sophisticated and cultured (this is an important part of the process), but then ultimately decide that you have a love for sugar and carbonation, and fill it up with soda. Stir it, because you know what you make good decisions, and take a long, satisfied sip. You just made the Rum and Coke your bitch.

Denouement

So, what have we learned? I learned that fuck the West Indies and hot sauce. But also, I learned that the simple, sometimes insipid Rum and Coke — a favorite among those who don’t know what else to order — can become a titan, a beautiful and naked god in which the rest of the world may revel.

The Rum and Coke might seem sophomoric (I’m surprised I can even think of that word with this much alcohol in me, by the way), but that not need be the case. There are some great ways to make this simple drink as complex as people think Christopher Nolan movies are. Give some variations a try, and you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

Happy (responsible) drinking!


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