Category Archives: Cream

I’ll Be Drunk for Christmas: Holiday Drinks

December is here, and that means you can’t get away from holiday themes and decorations everywhere — which has technically been true for the past three months. September, we hardly knew ye.

As it turns out, this blog is no exception to the rule, since I more than happy to welcome the extra traffic that will come in from search engine hits if I do a holiday theme.

So welcome to my post for the holidays! Hopefully most of these drinks will be somewhat non-denominational (I mean, Christmas doesn’t have a monopoly on peppermint, right?), but there might be a few drinks specific to one holiday. Maybe next year I’ll really get into the whole denominational thing, and do an eight crazy shots post or something. Sounds fun.

In any case, no matter what you celebrate this year, it’s a great time for family, love, kindness, and alcohol. Lots of alcohol. After all, you are going to be seeing your family, so it’s kind of a necessity. So while you’re giving your loved ones the gift of junk you wouldn’t buy for yourself, give yourself the gift of intoxication. Here’s eight drinks to enjoy this season.

 

Holly Berry
-1 1/2 oz Raspberry Vodka
-1/2 oz Triple Sec
-1/4 oz Rose’s Lime Juice
-3 oz Cranberry Juice
-Holly Sprig without Berries

The Holly Berry

The Holly Berry

I think the recipe book I got this from just decided to make a reddish drink and add a holly sprig to it to make it look relevant to the season. With that in mind, I encourage you to use this method to invent your own festive holiday drinks — just be sure to pluck off all the berries (they are poisonous) and wash the sprig. Hell, you can use a plastic replica for all I care. Just whatever you do, don’t die.

In any case, this drink is pretty good, even if its inventor was really lazy when thinking it up. Despite being mostly raspberry vodka and cranberry juice, it’s not overly tart at all. In fact, the flavor of the triple sec is very noticeable, making for a very nice orange taste. In the end, all the flavors of the drink work very well together, much in the same way that all the religions in America don’t this time of year.

To make this, shake the liquid ingredients with ice, strain the mix into a martini glass, and garnish with the holly sprig. Or, if you’re not trying to impress anyone, go ahead and skip this garnish. Your call.

Moving on…

 

Vanilla Dark and Stormy
-2 oz Dark Rum
-1 dash Vanilla Extract
-Ginger Beer
-Lime Wedge

Vanilla Dark and Stormy

Vanilla Dark and Stormy

So this is seasonal in that vanilla and ginger are both flavors associated with the season. Other than that, it’s not very special. However, it is pretty good. Just be ready for the ginger beer. If you haven’t tasted ginger beer before, it’s kind of weird, and it can be as shocking as waking up to cat butt, though definitely not as unpleasant.

Personally, I am not a huge fan of ginger beer, but it’s definitely not a bad flavor. It is weird at first, but it’s good. Unfortunately, the vanilla flavor isn’t all that noticeable in this drink, but you will get hints of it here and there. It’s nice when you do notice it, anyway. Either way, this is a good and easy cooler for the holiday season, so if you’re a fan of ginger, give this a try.

To make, just pour the liquid ingredients in a tall glass of ice and stir. Squeeze the lime wedge over the drink and drop it in. Not the most complicated of holiday drinks, but not bad at all.

Let’s make something a little more pretty.

 

Angel’s Delight
-3/4 oz Gin
-3/4 oz Triple Sec
-2 to 3 dashes Grenadine
-1 oz Cream

Angel's Delight

Angel’s Delight

Isn’t this drink pretty? The deep red is very appropriate for the season, and the cream on top looks like a mound of snow or the trim on Santa’s suit. It’s just… oh, so pretty. I almost didn’t want to drink it.

But drink it I did, and it was delicious. Grenadine and gin compliment each other very well, and the triple sec throws in a little bit of complexity for the occasion. The cream is wonderful and fluffy as it just sits on top.

So, it’s pretty, it’s yummy, and it’s alcoholic. I suppose not much else is required to make something angelic. Especially when I’m three drinks in.

Shake all of the ingredients except the cream with ice and strain it into a champagne flute. Then carefully float the cream on top of the rest of the drink. You can also use a wine glass or a martini glass for this cocktail. I chose the champagne flute because it looks prettier.

 

Evergreen
-1 1/2 oz Gin
-1/2 oz Dry Vermouth
-1/2 oz Melon Liqueur
-1 dash Lemon Juice
-1 splash Blue Curacao
-Maraschino Cherry

Evergreen

Evergreen

Gin always did kind of taste like a tree, so this seems like a natural fit for it. This is essentially a Kyoto Cocktail, but with the addition of blue curacao and a cherry. It’s not bad, but in all honesty, the lemon juice really conflicts with the melon liqueur. The recipe is clearly following the sweet ingredient and sour ingredient blueprint, but I don’t think it works here.

Other than that, the drink isn’t bad. The melon is nice, the gin gives that slight tree-like taste, and biting into the cherry at the end is a great finisher. It is also pretty, so that’s worth something. Go light on the lemon juice, and it might impress some guests. Otherwise, this drink will overwhelm you, and that nice tree-like taste will quickly start to feel like that one scene from Evil Dead that Sam Raimi later regretted.

Shake the gin, vermouth, melon liqueur, and lemon juice with ice and strain it into a martini glass. Top it with a splash of blue curacao and drop the cherry in. It’s pretty, but not as good as some of the others on this list.

Now let’s look at peppermint, that ever-popular holiday flavor.

 

Candy Cane Twist
-1 oz Raspberry Vodka
-1/2 oz Peppermint Schnapps
-2 oz Cranberry Juice
-1/2 oz Grenadine
-1 splash Lemon-Lime Soda
-Candy Cane

Candy Cane Twist

Candy Cane Twist

Yeah, we all have probably had enough of peppermint by now. But, alas, This list would be incomplete without a peppermint-themed drink. It’s not a bad flavor at all, but it is overdone this time of year. However, this fact apparently didn’t stop me from beating this dead horse with a comically large candy cane.

This drink is nice and smooth. It’s sweet without being too sweet, and it has that peppermint flavor without being overpowering. A note on that, by the way: The peppermint flavor is kind of subtle in this drink if you use the above proportions. It gives that cool feeling without being very strong. If you want to have a stronger peppermint flavor, increase the amount of peppermint schnapps a little at a time — maybe in quarter ounce increments. Be careful though, as peppermint schnapps is one of those ingredients that is very powerful, and can overpower whatever it’s in if you put in too much.

Shake the liquid ingredients except for the soda with ice and strain it into a martini glass.  Add the soda, garnish with the candy cane and enjoy. Also, if you want to put in the effort, you can crush another candy cane and rim the glass with it. I attempted to do this, but I couldn’t get the candy cane crumbs to stick to the glass. I’m sure there’s a good way to do this, but I didn’t figure it out. If you’re up for the adventure, be my guest.

 

Christmas Shooter
-1/2 oz Grenadine
-1/2 oz Green Crème de Menthe
-1/2 oz Cream

Christmas Shooter

Christmas Shooter

Turns out we’re not quite done with mint yet, because I wanted to do at least one shot for this post. I figured that the celebratory nature of the holiday season is perfect for shots, so here’s one with Christmas colors.

Often, layered shots are made to look pretty rather than to taste good. In this case, however, it works both ways. The flavors work pretty alright together (as long as you do it as a shot, rather than sipping it the way that assholes always drink shots), and the layering actually allows you to taste each ingredient individually and in order, giving you an enjoyable progression.

Plus, it does look very pretty. Especially if it’s in a clear glass, as opposed to the yellow-ish glass I used. Apologies. It will take a few minutes to layer them all correctly, but whip up a round of these at a holiday party, and people will really like it.

To make this wonder of alcohol and thick liquids, carefully layer each ingredient into a shot glass in the order given. Depending on the size of the glass, you may have to adjust the amounts. In order to layer the ingredients, pour the first one in, and then slowly pour in the next two, using the back of a bar spoon to break the liquid’s fall just above the surface of the shot.

Once you’ve made your shot, throw it down the hatch.

 

Menorah Cocktail
-1 1/2 oz Vodka
-1/2 oz Dry Vermouth
-1 splash Blue Curacao
-Sugar
-Blueberries

Menorah Cocktail

Menorah Cocktail

Jewish readers, I’m afraid I must apologize, as I fear I have let you all down. Not only is this a week late, but, as you see, finding a good Hanukkah-themed cocktail proved a challenge for me, especially given limited ingredients. If I could get every brand the Internet recommended to me, I could make a cocktail with nothing but Israeli spirits. However, most Hanukkah-themed cocktails proved to be nothing more than normal Winter-themed cocktails. That’s all well and good, but I wanted something a bit special.

But then I learned that blue is a big Hanukkah color, and I found this allegedly blue drink that some blogger or writer had invented specifically to celebrate the lighting of the menorah. On top of that, a sugared rim always looks frosty, so that adds a nice winter touch.

However, if the picture of this drink loaded on your computer and you’re not colorblind, then you already know the problem. This drink is green, not blue. You see, the sweet vermouth colored the drink too, and it simply came out green. I’m betting the person who invented this drink doesn’t know too much about mixing drinks and most definitely never actually mixed this drink. It still works for this post, since green is a Christmas color, but that just gives Christians another drink and robs the Jews of their rightful booze. I am sincerely sorry.

The taste is pretty good, in any case. Sweet vermouth and curacao play off each other in interesting ways. I don’t know if that’s a good thing, but it is an interesting thing. You could try making this drink with dry vermouth — which would probably help keep it blue — but that would also drastically change the taste. Try it if you so choose.

First, rim a martini glass with sugar. Then shake the liquid ingredients with ice and strain it into the prepared glass, and garnish with the blueberries. I know blueberries are out of season right now, which is all the more proof that the person who invented this drink didn’t know what they were doing. I have frozen blueberries in my fridge, so that worked out for me.

 

Cinnamon Old Fashioned
-2 1/2 oz Fireball Cinnamon Whisky
-1/4 oz Simple Syrup
-2 to 3 dashes Angostura Bitters

Cinnamon Old Fashioned

Cinnamon Old Fashioned

I was going to end there, but I thought that this post would be incomplete without some cinnamon. I also wanted a stiffer drink, so I decided to whip up an Old Fashioned, but use Fireball in place of bourbon or rye. This was an on-the-fly decision, and I think it worked out well.

A note for you Old Fashioned enthusiasts, though: I know you probably think this drink is an abomination. I know that Fireball is very sweet, and is closer to a liqueur than a liquor. So, I understand how some of you will punch your screen right now, because “This isn’t a real Old Fashioned!”

Calm down, please. This drink is just for the season, and there’s no reason to get upset over a novelty.

Now that we have that out of the way, let me say that this drink works very well. It’s good, delicious, and alcoholic. What more do want from anything?

So, pour the ingredients into a rocks glass with or without ice (your preference), and stir. Also, Fireball is already kind of sweet, so feel free to reduce the amount of syrup.

 

Denouement

Happy Holidays. Be safe. Be responsible. Check back next week for a New Year’s post with champagne drinks.


Warming the Soul and Intoxicating the Body: Hot Drink for the Winter

Hello, ladies and gentlemen. I come to you after a week-long hiatus, during which I allowed my liver to play catch up. I know you all missed me. I missed you, too. Yes, you.

Anyway, it’s getting colder! Actually, here in North Carolina, it’s not getting that much colder at all. In fact, it’s been pretty warm the past couple of days. But, it should be getting colder any day now, and I imagine it’s pretty cold in other parts of the world.

So, it’s with that hopeful imagination that I present to you this week’s adventure on Six Drinks Too Many: hot drinks. Simple enough, right? Maybe if we enjoy some hot drinks together, we can will it to be cold and wintery, as it should be.

And if not, these drinks are enjoyable anyway, and it will get cold eventually. But don’t let the weather stop you — if you want a hot drink with booze in it, then damn it, enjoy a hot drink with booze in it.

First though, a disclaimer for the coffee lovers: None of these are coffee drinks. There are enough coffee-based alcoholic drinks that I’ll be doing a coffee-themed post somewhere down the line, rather than interspersing a few here.

And now, without any more interruptions, let’s begin.

 

Hot Grog
-1 1/2 oz Myers’s Rum or other Dark Rum
-3/4 oz Honey
-3/4 oz Lemon Juice
-Hot Water
-Cinnamon Stick

Hot Grog

Hot Grog

So, I sat down and I said to myself, “Self, what’s the number one concern of most people on the Internet today?” The answer became immediately obvious. Fighting scurvy, of course! Therefore, I thought I’d help you all out. You’re welcome, by the way.

To my knowledge, this drink was created on the high seas. The rum was used to make the water drinkable, and the lemon provided vitamin C to fight scurvy. I’m not sure if honey was used in original recipes, but if it was, it was probably to make the drink more palatable. If anyone knows more about the history of grog or can correct me an any point, please share in the comments.
In any case, the name is weird and a lot of people probably don’t realize what it actually is, but this is a pretty decent little drink. It’s not particularly interesting, but it’s nice. The different flavors work well together, and this will definitely warm both your body and your soul. Also, this is basically a Hot Toddy but with rum instead of whiskey. So, if you prefer bourbon to rum, do that instead.

If you want to keep yourself fighting-fit and scurvy-free, start by pouring the honey into a mug and add a splash of hot water. Stir it a bit to thin the honey out before making the drink. Add the rum and lemon juice and fill with hot water. Stir and garnish with a cinnamon stick.

Next drink!

 

Hot Buttered Rum
-2 oz Dark Rum
-1 tsp Brown Sugar
-Hot Water
-1 tsp Butter
-Grated or Ground Nutmeg

Hot Buttered Rum

Hot Buttered Rum

This is one of those hot drinks that people know about, but don’t really tend to try, as far as I can tell. If you’ve never tried it, it is exactly what it sounds like: rum with butter. The temperature also happens to be hot.

It’s pretty good, and even though the idea of adding butter to a drink is kind of gross, the butter is really a fucking awesome idea. It’s like a nice piece of angel poop floating on top of warm liquor. And no, you have never read anything so delightful before.

But, yeah, it is really disgusting to drink butter. Drinking this drink probably won’t make you feel good about yourself, in any case. But, I’m an American, which means that by any measuring stick, I’m behind in the drinking butter world when compared to my peers. Really, it’s the little things that make you feel better.

Start by putting the brown sugar and a splash of hot water in the bottom of a mug and stir it until to sugar dissolves. Add the rum, fill with hot water, and stir. Float the slice of butter on top and sprinkle some nutmeg on that bitch.

Let’s do something a little sweeter now.

 

Hot Brandy Alexander
-1 oz Brandy
-1 oz Dark Crème de Cacao
-Hot Milk
-Whipped Cream
-Grated or Ground Nutmeg

Hot Brandy Alexander

Hot Brandy Alexander

The cold version of this drink is a classic — interestingly enough even more of a classic than the regular Alexander with gin. Turns out that the hot version is also pretty good. It’s chocolate, milk, and booze, after all. At any temperature, that’s hard to argue with.

So, if you like chocolate, you’ll probably like this. I don’t even like brandy (which just so happens to taste like the piss of Margaret Thatcher), and I like this. Of course, if you don’t like chocolate, then why don’t you go back to the Hell pit you crawled out of?

To make this yummy little drink, pour the brandy and crème de cacao into a mug, and fill with hot milk. Add a dollop of whipped cream on top and sprinkle some nutmeg over it.

 

Bull’s Milk
-1 1/2 oz Dark Rum
-3/4 oz Cognac
-Hot Milk
-1 tsp Maple Syrup
-Grated or Ground Nutmeg

Bull's Milk

Bull’s Milk

What can you expect from a drink that sounds like a euphemism for semen? Well, it’s about as enjoyable as that, but with just a hint of maple.

I do not care for this drink at all. The liquor component of it is a little too rough, and the maple doesn’t really do a lot for it — but it does lend a nice aftertaste. The problem is that the actual taste is so godawful that the aftertaste is like someone apologizing to you after setting your house on fire and kicking you in the genitals. I’d say it’s worth a try, but quite frankly, there are so many better options for a hot drink. You can drink better drinks with your time.

Alright, truth be told, I’ve had much worse drinks. But this doesn’t measure up to the other drinks I’ve had for this post so far. But, if you like brandy and rum, this might appeal to you, and making it is simple. Pour the liquor into a mug, fill it with hot milk, and add the maple syrup. Stir and sprinkle some nutmeg on top.

 

Sevilla Flip
-1 1/2 oz Light Rum
-1 1/2 Ruby Port
-2 oz Cream
-1/2 tsp Sugar

Sevilla Flip

Sevilla Flip

I picked this drink because it looked interesting. I saw that ruby port was included in the recipe and thought, “Say, is that a fortified wine in a recipe for a hot drink? It is! By all mighty Zeus, that’s interesting! I must try it — and I’m certain that it won’t be disgusting, even though my initial surprise at the inclusion of port in the recipe would signify that there’s a definite reason why I didn’t expect this eccentric ingredient to be included.”

Well, it turns out there is a reason why I initially thought the port was a really fucking weird inclusion. That reason is that it is a REALLY FUCKING WEIRD INCLUSION. At first, you won’t like this drink, but then it just gets extremely weird. I don’t know if I should recommend it or not. It’s too weird for me to know what’s happening — it’s like Donnie Darko was a drink instead of a movie.

I don’t love it. I don’t hate it. I’m just confused by it.

So, making it is a bit more labor-intensive than the previous drinks. Start by combining the cream and sugar in a small saucepan over low heat. Add the rum and port and bring it to a low simmer. Pour it into a mug, and try to enjoy — even though it may be futile. I will say that the cream likes to separate. I don’t know if it’s supposed to. In any case, you can keep stirring it if you want it all combined. Otherwise, don’t worry about it.

 

Southern Chai
-1 oz Bourbon
-1/4 oz Triple Sec
-1/4 oz Amaretto
-8 oz Chai Tea Concentrate
-3 oz Milk
-Lemon Wedge studded with Whole Cloves

Southern Chai

Southern Chai

I really like chai tea. It’s pretty much the only thing I ever get at Starbucks. But, as much as I like chai tea, I’ve never been drinking it and thought that it would be improved by bourbon. But then, I don’t think that most things would be improved by bourbon. If you’re the type of person that tends to consume something and think that it could be improved with bourbon, I don’t think we’d get along very well.

That being said, this drink isn’t bad. It’s chai-tastic, and it has some nice liquory notes and interesting aromas from the added ingredients. I think I still prefer regular chai tea, but this isn’t a bad alternative, especially if you’re a whiskey drinker, or are just looking to get drunk off of chai.

This is another labor-intensive drink. In a small saucepan, combine the chai concentrate and milk and bring it to a simmer. Pour it into a mug, and add the alcoholic ingredients. Stir, and garnish with the studded lemon wedge.

As a side note, my lovely fiancee tells me that I studded the lemon wedge wrong. Apparently, you’re supposed to stud the peel. I studded the meat of the lemon, because I thought that made more sense. It’s a lot easier to stud the meat instead of the peel. But, I will bow to the “correct way.” However, both ways will provide you with the aroma of lemon and cloves, so the difference might be purely visual.

 

Denouement

The weather outside is … well, pretty mild. But, the drinks inside are fucking awesome. Warm so water, add some booze, and raise a hot glass to the winter months, dear drinkers. I’ll see you next week.


Giving Thanks for Booze: Thanksgiving Cocktails

Let’s level, readers: What the fuck are you thankful for? No, you can’t answer with vodka — though that certainly is an understandable answer.

It’s okay, I’ll give you some time to think about it. Do think about it, though. You’ll need an answer when someone inevitably asks you this week. Or don’t worry about it if you’re not reading this in the United States.

In the meantime, let’s look at some drinks! Thanksgiving will be tomorrow when I actually post this, and that means soon all of you will be talking to relatives that you probably don’t like too much. Well, why not make it all a better experience with alcohol?

Or, maybe you do like your relatives, and you just want to impress them with some cool theme drinks. I guess that’s alright.

Whichever group you fall into, here are six Thanksgiving-themed cocktails to try with your family this year. Or try them alone while crying. To each their own.

Also, note that all six cocktails are featured today. There will not be a new post on Friday.

And now, let’s get to it!

 

Spiked Pumpkin Pie
-Sugar and Ground Cinnamon for rimming
-2 oz Vodka
-1 oz Pumpkin Liqueur
-1 oz Cream
-1 dash Vanilla Extract
-Ground Nutmeg

Spiked Pumpkin Pie

Alright, so there is no shortage of pumpkin pie “martini” recipes during the Fall. A million cocktail recipes are just a Google search away. Even I gave another recipe when I did my Halloween theme.

Clearly, that didn’t stop me from doing this drink. I got it from a cocktail book and tweaked it a little bit. Even though pumpkin pie drinks are a bit overdone, I’m glad I drank this one. It’s pretty much what you would expect from a silly theme drink like this — forgettable, but FUCKING DELICIOUS.

This must be made of the pumpkins of Olympus and the spices of Eden. If you want a crowd pleaser this Thanksgiving, this is a good one to whip up.

So, start by mixing the sugar and cinnamon on a plate. Then wet a paper towel, and use it to wet the rim of a cocktail glass. Then, run the rim of the glass through the cinnamon sugar so it sticks.

Now to make the drink. It’s pretty simple — just shake the liquid ingredients with ice and strain it into the prepared glass. Sprinkle some nutmeg on top to garnish.

Let’s try something else.

 

Cranberry Sauced
-3 oz Dry White Wine
-4 oz Cranberry Juice
-Splash Club Soda
-Sugar Cube

Cranberry Sauced

Two things about Thanksgiving: wine and cranberry sauce. So let’s put those two things together! Hooray!

So, this is a really good cocktail — inoffensive and simple, as well as a good way to change up your wine. The tartness of the cranberry juice, the sweetness of the sugar, and the complexity of the wine all work well together. This is the perfect Thanksgiving toasting cocktail.

Of course, you’re free to drink your wine without enhancing it like this, but that’s the mark of an unimaginative and sad alcoholic. So, make your toasting time more interesting, and give your relatives something to talk about.

So, put the sugar cube in a wine glass and add the liquid ingredients. The club soda is included because the bubbles help the sugar dissolve. Feel free to replace the white wine and club soda with a sparkling wine. Either way, this is a good general-use cocktail

Moving on!

 

Maple Old-Fashioned
-2 ½ oz Bourbon or Rye Whiskey
-1/3 oz Maple Syrup
-2 dashes Angostura Bitters
-Ground Nutmeg

The Maple Old-Fashioned

Here’s the drink you can make for your crotchety grandpa, your uncle who refuses to drink anything girly, or your female cousin out to prove that she can drink all those stereotypically male drinks, too. It’s pretty easy to make, so if someone asks for a stiff drink, don’t hesitate to give them this.

This was an interesting drink for me, because — as regular readers may know — I’m not the biggest fan of whiskey. However, I have been known to enjoy an Old-Fashioned on occasion. So, I’m not completely opposed to whiskey.

However, maple syrup doesn’t seem to sweeten the drink as well as sugar or simple syrup. Because of this, the whiskey flavor is stronger than in other Old-Fashioneds (not that it’s a subtle flavor in the original recipe). And, in all honesty, the maple flavor doesn’t come out that much when you’re sipping. However, this version does lend a very strong maple aftertaste. If that appeals to you, then go ahead and try this. But don’t expect to taste the maple over the whiskey when you’re sipping.

So, assuming that it’s time for you to put hair on your chest, let’s make this drink. Stir the liquid with ice and strain it into an old-fashioned glass. Sprinkle the nutmeg on top. You can add ice or not, depending on your own personal preferences. If you do add ice, the general rule is to use one or two large ice cubes instead of several smaller ones. Of course, if you’re a regular Old-Fashioned drinker, you probably already have ice cube trays to make larger chunks of ice, and you’re probably way ahead of me. If you’re not a regular Old-Fashioned drinker, I don’t know that I would start with this drink. But if you like whiskey, you might as well go for it.

With that behind us, let’s do something frou-frou.

 

Spiced Appletini
-1 ½ oz Vodka
-1/2 oz Spiced Rum
-1/2 oz Fireball Cinnamon Whisky
-1 oz Green Apple Liqueur/Apple Schnapps
-1 oz Apple Juice
-Cinnamon Stick

The Spiced Appletini

I’ll be the first to admit that the idea of the Appletini is a little silly. Well, maybe the name is just fucking ridiculous, no matter what John Dorian has to say about it.

Even so, the Appletini isn’t a bad drink at all, even with the numerous recipes for it out there. It’s fruity without being sweet, and just the right amount of sour.

This version is my own little creation. I wanted to figure out my own way of making an “apple pie” style drink. I think my endeavor was largely successful. The spices cut the sourness of the green apple liqueur, and the resulting flavor is pretty enjoyable.

However, this is quite a large drink, and the flavor just seems like it would lend itself more to a shot — it’s good, but you’ll get kind of tired of it after a while, just like most Mel Gibson movies. So, if you’re an enterprising individual, figure out a variation of this for a shot, and then proudly do shots with your older relatives. There’s no better family bonding experience than that.

Anyway, this is simple to make. Shake the liquid ingredients with ice and strain it into a cocktail glass. Garnish with the cinnamon stick. You could also garnish with apple slices. Your call. Either way, this is a great non-standard cocktail with an interesting flavor to impress your family members with.

And so, we just did a manly drink and a frou-frou drink. Let’s see if we can combine the two.

 

Turkey Cosmopolitan
-1 ½ oz Wild Turkey Bourbon
-1/4 oz Lime Juice
-1/2 oz Triple Sec
-2 oz Cranberry Juice
-Lemon Twist

The Turkey Cosmopolitan

So, if this sounds like just a Cosmopolitan with bourbon instead of vodka, that’s because it is. If that sounds disgusting, it’s actually not. It works pretty well, and no one was more surprised than me. In fact, I found that the bourbon brought out the orange flavor of the triple sec more than the neutral vodka. That doesn’t make sense, and people will undoubtedly disagree with me, but there it is.

Also, I full-heartedly admit that the only thing about this cocktail that is turkey-like at all is that the bourbon has the word “turkey” in it. However, short of using turkey broth in a cocktail, this is probably the most turkey-like you’ll get with any cocktail. If you want to make a cocktail with turkey broth, be my rather unfortunate guest. Failing that, this is the best I can offer.

It also turns out that this is fairly appropriate for Thanksgiving not only because it uses Wild Turkey, but because it uses cranberry juice. Makes enough sense to me.

So, it sounds more disgusting than how Edward Cullen delivers his vampire child, but it turns out to work pretty well. It even manages to simultaneously make you a little girl (as all Cosmos do) and put hair on your chest (as all bourbon does), so that’s got to be worth something.

To make it, shake the liquid ingredients with ice and strain it into a cocktail glass. Garnish with the lemon twist to make it beautiful.

Let’s go on to our last drink.

 

Hazel Egg
-1 ½ oz Frangelico
-1 oz Crème de Cacao
-1 Egg
-Cream (optional)

The Hazel Egg

This drink might not be directly related to Thanksgiving, but I tend to think of hazelnut as a great Fall flavor. So, I decided to mix up a yummy dessert drink with the ultimate hazelnut liqueur, Frangelico. True, this isn’t a standard liquor-driven cocktail, but if you’re such an elitist that you can’t enjoy a hazelnut and chocolate dessert drink then you’re pretty much an asshole, and you’re welcome to have a good time with your straight whiskey. Jerk.

Anyway, this turned out delicious, and I guarantee you that most people will enjoy it after a long meal. The raw egg might put off a few people, but in all honesty a pasteurized egg in an alcoholic mix poses little to no danger. As we learned last week, there isn’t a known pathogen that can survive in alcohol. The chances of you getting salmonella — especially if you use a pasteurized egg — is incredibly low. However, in the interest of you not suing me, there is always at least a slight risk when consuming raw eggs, so understand that. If you do get sick, it might be a rare occurrence, but it isn’t my fault.

While we’re here, let’s talk about eggs in cocktails. Generally speaking, an egg white in a cocktail is there to add frothiness and thickness. If you wish to do without it, you can generally omit it. However, an egg yolk is included for flavor, and you cannot simply skip it, and therefore you can’t simply skip a whole egg. Now, you could make this drink without the egg, but it wouldn’t be interesting at all. The egg really lends a lot to this cocktail, so if you’re willing to take the risk, you might as well try it. Otherwise, you’re just adding dairy to some sweet liqueurs.

So, start by dry shaking the egg for a few seconds — no more than ten. Then add ice and the liqueurs to the shaker. Shake it until it’s too cold to touch. Then, strain it into an old-fashioned glass filled most of the way with ice. We fill it most of the way so that there is room to top off with cream—so top it off with cream! Stir it with a swizzle stick, and enjoy.

The cream is also only there for body, by the way, so feel free to omit it. If you do, you can go ahead and fill your glass with ice. Your call, of course.

 

Denouement

I’ve talked enough. Go hang with your family and get drunker than Diane Sawyer.


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