Category Archives: Tequila

There’s a Frat Boy in All of Us: Jägermeister Drinks

Hello, fine people. It’s that time of year again. Students are saying goodbye to sleeping in every day and saying hello to staying up all night. College is starting back up, and I thought it would be appropriate to use this as an opportunity to highlight that godawful staple of college parties we call Jägermeister. That’s right — we’re getting super douchey this week.

Speaking of douchey, I never realized how condescending Jägermeister is. Before you you even open it, there are arrows on the cap to show you which way to turn it to open. Apparently Jägermeister assumes that most of its target market don’t understand the concept of righty-tighty/lefty-loosey. I’m not a fan of Jäger, but I’m sure that most people who are fans of it are smart enough to figure that out. I believe in you, Jäger-lovers.

On that note of camaraderie, let’s get right into it with a drink that I suppose I can’t avoid doing.

 

Jägerbomb
-1 shot Jägermeister
-Red Bull or Beer

 Jägerbomb

So, I just finished my first Jägerbomb ever, and I now officially hate myself. It’s like chugging carbonated child’s cough syrup. By the way, did I mention that you generally chug bomb-shot drinks? Because you do. Which is fine enough when you have a beer base, but as it turns out energy drinks aren’t meant to be chugged. I’m going to be a bit jittery for a few minutes.

In any case, if you happen to have taste buds, you don’t have to use Red Bull. Jägerbombs were originally made with beer. But then Red Bull got popular, and then alcoholic drinks with Red Bull got popular with idiots, and then Red Bull replaced beer in the already-unholy Jägerbomb.

Okay, maybe I’m a bit too harsh. Drinking energy drinks with alcohol isn’t a hugely terrible idea. Drinking a lot of energy drinks with alcohol definitely is, though. If you must do a Jägerbomb with Red Bull, you should probably only do one, and you should probably do that at the beginning of your drinking session, before you’ve consumed too much alcohol.

That being said, feel free to use beer instead of Red Bull. This might get you some odd looks though; the frat boy who works with my wife said, “Who makes Jägerbombs with beer? What is this bougie bullshit?” Bougie here, as far as we can tell, means bourgeoisie. But, I think it actually makes more sense to use a beer base — a beer with a shot of the hard stuff in it is a much better way to get a quick buzz than an energy drink with alcohol. In fact, that latter has the opposite effect, with the caffeine masking some of the symptoms of intoxication. I guess if you don’t want to feel like you’re getting too drunk, then the energy drink is the way you want to go. But I’m also pretty sure that most people doing Jägerbombs want to feel drunk, so I really don’t get the point of using Red Bull.

But, I have bowed to fashion, and fashion dictates I use Red Bull. Woe unto me.

Pour the Red Bull or beer into a pint glass and the Jägermeister into a shot glass. Drop the shot glass into the pint glass and chug it down. Hate yourself almost immediately afterward.

 

Jäger Barrel
-2 oz Jägermeister
-Root Beer

 Jäger Barrel

So, I checked the Jägermeister website for recipes, and without any surprise whatsoever, most of the recipes they feature are Jägermeister plus carbonated beverage. Clearly Jäger just inspires creativity.

In any case, I picked one of their carbonated beverage concoctions, and drank the result. I’m not sure why I picked this one, because I’m not a huge fan of root beer. I guess it sounded more interesting than the others (and the idea of Jäger and orange soda just makes me cringe). However, given my disdain for both of the ingredients, this drink isn’t terrible. If you like root beer, I could legitimately see why you might enjoy this.

That being said, I’m never going to make this for myself again. And even if you like the ingredients this really has nothing on the Rum and Coke.

Pour the Jägermeister into an ice-filled rocks glass or highball glass. Fill with root beer.

 

Bed of Roses
-2 oz Jägermeister
-1/2 oz Grenadine
-1/2 oz Lemon Juice

Bed of Roses

This is another recipe I found on the Jägermeister website, and it has an incredibly stupid name. It’s also put together rather stupidly. The person who made this recipe clearly knew something about putting together drinks, because it follows the standard base-plus-sour-plus-sweet formula. However, they obviously didn’t know enough about putting together drinks, because it has way too much grenadine and way too much Jäger. All the ingredients are fighting each other rather than working together to make a good drink. The lemon juice makes it taste a little bit like iced tea, but that’ the only highlight.

A better version of this might cut the grenadine in half, the Jäger down to maybe three quarters of an ounce, and add perhaps an ounce and a half of whiskey (preferably North American). I’d also recommend using homemade grenadine (just make a syrup with pomegranate juice), but I understand that most people are too lazy… err… busy to do that. However, this hypothetically better version of the drink is not the version I drank. Don’t make this drink. Just get some tea-infused vodka, and you’ll have basically the same experience, but much better.

In case you want to blatantly ignore those last two sentences, shake the ingredients with ice and strain it into a cocktail glass. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

 

Black Sunset
-1 1/2 oz Jägermeister
-1 oz Spiced Dark Rum
-2 oz Pineapple Juice
-Lime Wheel

Black Sunset

Oh my God, real liquor. Real liquor, I missed you so much. Never leave me again.

This is another drink from the Jägermeister website, and I guess it proves that they can put together a moderately successful cocktail if someone presses them enough. This also made me realize why most of the cocktails on their website seem odd to me: They use too much Jäger. I suppose it makes sense that the company would try to get you to drink more of their product, but in terms of mixology, it doesn’t make sense.

You see, Jägermeister is a liqueur. Generally, liqueurs are either enjoyed by themselves or as a complimentary flavor in a cocktail. Of course, several cocktails are made to showcase the liqueur, but more often than not they’re used to highlight the liquor. So it’s really weird that this cocktail calls for more Jäger than rum. If you decide to make this, I suggest switching the amounts of Jäger and rum.

Either way, though, this drink isn’t half bad. It’s very tropical, and the Jäger manages to not be over-powering for once. It would, however, be better with more rum flavor (hence my suggestion), but it’s going in the right direction. It’s not a bad if you just want a simple cooler to nurse for a bit.

Shake the liquid ingredients with ice and strain it over fresh ice in a collins glass. Garnish with the lime wheel.

 

Jäger-Rita
-2 oz Tequila
-1 oz Jägermeister
-1 oz Lime Juice
-Lime Wedge
-Salt

 Jäger-Rita

Yes, I know how silly the name is, but it’s also pretty standard for something like this. A recipe for a Margarita made with Jäger is on the Jäger website, but this isn’t it. They recommend making it by replacing the tequila with Jäger. But a that makes no sense — a Margarita without tequila is not a Margarita. It also makes more sense to replace the liqueur in a Margarita with another liqueur. So that’s what I did.

In any case, if you like Jägermeister, you might like this. I, however, can’t drink this without grimacing. This is pretty much the best way to ruin a Margarita. I find that tequila has a tendency to work with flavors that it has no business working with, like chocolate or coffee. Jägermeister, as it turns out, is not one of those flavors. Anise might work, but you’d need to use a much higher quality spirit, like absinthe or a good absinthe substitute.

Start by using the lime wedge to rim a cocktail glass with salt. Set the lime wedge aside. Shake the liquid ingredients with ice and strain it into the glass. Garnish with the lime wedge, and wonder why you’re doing this to yourself.

 

Jäger Manhattan
-2 oz Bourbon (or Rye Whiskey or Canadian Whisky)
-3/4 oz Sweet Vermouth
-1/2 oz Jägermeister
-Maraschino Cherry

 Jäger-Rita

If you drink Manhattans, this might already sound like an abomination. This cocktail was suggested to me by a Reddit user on the wonderful r/drunk sub, and the idea is a Manhattan with Jägermeister replacing the bitters. If we are to consider Jägermeister as a legitimate alcoholic beverage, instead of as the stuff that fuels bad college parties (the idea that, in fact, inspired this blog post), then this drink seems less abomination and more experimentation.

This cocktail isn’t bad, really. But in all honesty, I came away from it wondering what the point was. The Jäger gets overpowered by the whiskey, and I fear that increasing the amount of Jäger would ruin the drink. I suppose I could have tried garnishing it with star anise or using slightly less vermouth to bring out the Jäger more, but I still think a regular Manhattan would be better. The bitters add a nice spice and kick to the drink, and an intensity that just isn’t there with the Jäger version.

If you want to make this drink, either garnish with star anise, reduce the sweet vermouth to half an ounce, or (and this is probably what I should have done) use Canadian whisky instead of bourbon or rye. Canadian whisky doesn’t have as strong of a flavor as its contemporaries, and it would probably give the Jäger more room to do its thing without giving up too much ground. So maybe go Canadian Club instead of Wild Turkey. Just a thought.

To make it, stir the liquid ingredients with ice and strain it into a cocktail glass. Garnish with the cherry (or star anise if you’re going that route).

 

Denouement
So, what have we learned? I learned that Jäger apparently helps my digestive system along.. Unfortunately, I also learned that Jäger doesn’t get me all that drunk. I didn’t start feeling the alcohol all that much until the last drink, and I think that has more to do with the whiskey than with anything else. Thanks bourbon!

Maybe next week I’ll drink something enjoyable…

POSTSCRIPT: I wound up remaking the Manhattan with Canadian whisky and star anise. It turned out much better, but a real Manhattan is still much better.


Monster Mash! Halloween Drinks (Part One)

Hello, all you terrifying readers and drinkers out there. It’s late October, and that means that Six Drinks Too Many, along with every other blog in cyberspace, is doing a Halloween theme. Huzzah!

I’m starting to see Santa in stores, which means I have a limited amounted of time to do this celebratory theme. You might be tired of seeing pumpkin-flavored bisque and various monsters on candy packages, but once elves are on those packages for the next five months, you’ll be missing the reign of a good old-fashioned pagan holiday.

So let’s have a Halloween hurrah! And what is a hurrah without copious amounts of booze? Horror movies are always better with some level of inebriation, anyway.

Here I offer you eight Halloween-themed drinks. I have four for you today, and four for you on Friday. Some are super sweet and taste like candy (appropriate for the season, I suppose), and others are a bit more classy and potent. Hopefully, there’s a novelty here for everyone to enjoy. If not, well, every party needs a pooper, right?

So let’s begin.

 

Brain Hemorrhage
-1 oz Peach Schnapps
-1 tsp Irish Cream
-1 dash Grenadine

The Brain Hemorrhage

This is the one you’ll see all over the Internet, and it’s the one everyone knows, so I figured it’s as good a place as any to start. It’s also known as the Abortion Shot in some circles. However, I figured it’s a little less offensive to metaphorically cannibalize a brain instead of metaphorically cannibalizing an unwanted fetus. Hence, we’re going to go with Brain Hemorrhage.

It looks disgusting but tastes like candy. It’s nothing special, but if you ever fancy yourself as devouring a brain in one sugary gulp, then I guess this is for you.

So, pour the schnapps into a shot glass. Depending on the size of your shot glass you may have to increase the amount of schnapps. With the schnapps in the glass, slowly pour in the Irish cream — the schnapps will curdle it, and the result will look, well, awful. Add a small amount of grenadine to make it look bloody.

Also, you can add a dash or two of blue curacao to make an Alien Brain Hemorrhage. However, I advise against this. In fifteen years when the alien invaders take over our planet, you won’t want to have symbolically cannibalized the brains of our new overlords.

Next drink!

 

Witch’s Brew
-1 1/2 oz Chilled Vodka
-1 1/2 oz Chilled Lemon-Lime Soda
-Pop Rocks

The Witch’s Brew

So, this is a drink I found on another website under the name “Ghoul-tini.” While that’s a decent name, adding “-tini” to the end of drink names is something I don’t really care for. Also, I thought that the bubbling nature of this drink makes it seem like “brew” would be more fitting. So, I renamed it for this.

This is a neat little novelty drink that tastes basically like sweetened vodka. That might not appeal to you, which is fine, because, as noted, this is a novelty. Pop Rocks bubbling in the bottom of your glass is cool and fun — really the type of thing you always thought of doing as a child, but never did because of rumors of explosions.

So, dump a packet of Pop Rocks (any flavor) in the bottom of a cocktail glass. Pour in the vodka first, and then the soda. However, stand back. Turns out there’s some truth to those old rumors, as the instant that vodka hit the glass, the Pop Rocks decided to, well, pop. Pretty dramatically. Maybe the rumor shouldn’t have been Pop Rocks and Coke, but Pop Rocks and vodka, though that certainly is much less G-rated.

 

Jack-O-Lantern
-2 oz Jack Daniel’s (or another Tennessee Whiskey/Bourbon, I guess)
-1 oz Pumpkin Liqueur
-2 dashes Angostura Bitters
-1 Cinnamon Stick

The Jack-O-Lantern

So, there are about a million drink recipes on the Internet called the “Jack-O-Lantern,” and ninety percent of them include — you guessed it — Jack Daniel’s. Proving that I’m as unimaginative as everyone else, here’s my version of that drink. However, to make up for my lack of creativity, this drink does taste fucking awesome.

It’s nice and spicy, and very alcoholic. It’s also not one of the candy-like recipes on this spooky expedition of ours, which makes it a bit classier, I think. If you like pumpkin and/or whiskey, you’ll like this.

So, you can probably find some pumpkin liqueur during the Fall, but why not just make your own? Whatever your method, once you have the liqueur, shake or stir (your choice) the liquid ingredients with ice and strain it into a cocktail glass. Garnish it with a cinnamon stick and enjoy.

This is also a great way to pretend that Jack Daniel’s totally isn’t an classless party liquor, so take good advantage of the opportunity if you’re a fan of the stuff. That’s the magic of pumpkins I suppose.

 

Bleeding Witch
-1 1/2 oz Silver Tequila
-1/2 oz Blue Curacao
-1 oz Pineapple Juice
-1 oz Orange Juice
-1/2 oz Lime Juice
-Maraschino Cherry

The Bleeding Witch

Novelty drink or not, this cocktail is actually a pretty good cooler. Its eery green color is also way fun. Let’s face it — not enough cocktails are green.

Anyway, this drink is refreshing and cool-looking, and if you’re serving drinks at a Halloween party, it’ll definitely be a hit. And even though the idea of consuming a witch who happens to be bleeding is kind of disgusting, your guests will still love this fruity cooler.

Sidenote: Appropriately enough, it seems like a fair number of these Halloween-themed drinks involve cannibalism. If that’s your thing, I guess…

So, shake the liquid ingredients with ice and strain it into a cocktail glass. Drop the cherry in and let it float to the bottom. One note: You might have to add some more pineapple and/orange juice to make it more green than blue, but I wouldn’t go more than a half ounce for each type of juice.

 

To Be Continued…
And that’s where I end for today, but be sure to come back Friday for some more suggestions on how to make your Halloween weekend this year one that you will most likely forget.


Journey Through the Cosmos: The Cosmopolitan (Part Two)

And we’re back! It’s time to see what else I consumed on my cosmic trek. Here’s take two on Cosmopolitans, with four more drink recipes.

So let’s not waste anymore time.

 

Rum Cosmopolitan
-1 ½ oz Light Rum
-1/2 oz Triple Sec
-1/4 oz Lime Juice
-3/4 oz Cranberry Juice
-Lemon Twist

The Rum Cosmopolitan

But why is the rum gone? Good news! It’s not! I’m drinking it right now! Hooray!

So, I like vodka more, but this version isn’t bad at all. Though, be wary. Vodka is a neutral spirit, with a very subtle flavor (yes, it does have a flavor, and anyone who says different has never tasted vodka), whereas rum, even light rum, has a very noticeable flavor. It’s still a very good drink, but if you’re not prepared to taste that rum, it’ll surprise you. However, the strong taste is worth pretending you’re a pirate that just so happens to enjoy frou-frou drinks. And that’s really the best kind of pirate, isn’t it?

So, this is worth a taste, and it’s better if you keep with the theme and use citrus flavored rum instead of regular rum, but vodka is still better. If you like rum a whole lot, you might like it better than the vodka version, but to me, this is just a drink to have out of curiosity, or if you completely lack vodka. It’s definitely not bad at all (in fact, it’s really good), but it’s still rum in a place where vodka should really be.

Make it like a regular Cosmo, but with the pirate liquor instead of the Communist liquor.

Speaking of swapping liquors…

 

Cosmoquila
-2 oz Tequila
-1 oz Triple Sec
-1/2 oz Lime Juice
-1 splash Cranberry Juice
-Lemon Twist

The Cosmoquila

So, this is kind of a dumb drink. Why? Look at the ingredients, and you’ll notice that it’s basically a Margarita with some cranberry juice and no salt. It also has a lot of alcohol and not a lot of juice

That means that this tastes nothing like a Cosmo and everything like tequila. And for me, that’s not a selling point. I don’t dislike tequila in the least, but it’s not very high up on my spirit list. For me, it goes vodka and gin, rum, then tequila, and then way down there is whiskey. And then brandy brings up the disgusting, disgusting rear. Tequila and I are on good terms, we’re just not on hanging out without other friends terms yet, you know?

So, if you like tequila, you’ll like this, and the name is also a lot of fun. But really, this just doesn’t taste like a Cosmo, and you might as well make a Margarita. Maybe bringing down the amount of tequila will change that, but I wouldn’t reduce it more than a half ounce, and even if you reduced it more, tequila has a very strong taste. No matter what, this is a Margarita with some cranberry juice. Don’t trick yourself into thinking otherwise.

 

Cosmocello
-1 ½ oz Lemon or Citrus Vodka
-3/4 oz Triple Sec
-1/2 oz Limoncello
-1 oz Cranberry Juice
-Lemon Twist

The Cosmocello

So this is a drink.

Okay, that’s not fair. It’s quite good. It tastes just great. However, it really fucks with the Cosmo template by replacing the souring agent with something that isn’t really sour. Limoncello is great, but it isn’t sour. Therefore, the Cosmocello is a step away from the Cosmopolitan, as it is no longer a sour-style drink. It’s closer to a cooler at this point.

With every other recipe in this post, you’ll notice that lime juice is an ingredient. The lime juice isn’t just there for flavor, though. It’s there to add sour to the drink. That’s why it’s always there, even in small amounts — lime juice tends to be the go-to souring agent with lemon juice. So, if you replace it with an ingredient that isn’t sour, it just doesn’t make sense anymore. So, this is really a good drink, but it’s completely different. Also, there are probably better uses for your limoncello.

So, mix it like you do. If you have limoncello and you don’t know what else to do with it, then this is a fine choice. Otherwise, meh.

Final drink!

 

Southern Cosmopolitan
-1 ½ oz Peach Vodka
-1/2 oz Triple Sec
-1/4 oz Lime Juice
-1 oz Peach Nectar
-3-4 Mint Sprigs

The Southern Cosmopolitan

I’m not sure what makes this Southern, but it is damn good. It doesn’t taste that much like a real Cosmo, but it is an excellent example of using the Cosmopolitan template to do something really cool and delicious and interesting. This drink is peachy with a nice hint of mint, and I guarantee you’ll like it. You are human, after all.

And this just so happens to be the one drink that requires a bit more explanation in the mixing process, and that is thanks to the mint. So, first, rim your cocktail glass with a mint leaf. Then, shake the liquid ingredients with 2 or 3 mint sprigs and ice, and strain into a cocktail glass. Finally, garnish with a beautiful, beautiful mint spring. And thus you have made an amazing and delicious variation on a drink that only half the population is normally allowed to drink. Enjoy!

 

Denounement

What have we learned, cosmonauts? We’ve learned that you shouldn’t be tied down by what color your drink is or what sex organs you’re attracted to. If you want something fruity and frou-frou, well then that’s your natural right as drinker! Drink what you want to drink.

We’ve also learned that experimentation can be rewarded, and that alcohol can taste like candy. That’s not a suggestion that it should taste like candy, or that you should bribe people — especially short people who haven’t begun puberty yet — with candy alcohol. It’s just to suggest that there’s a drink for everyone. And that’s pretty far out, man.

Happy (responsible) drinking!


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